Phil

Hoping they won't name the baby "Hashtag".

Pffft, my wife could do that.

I'm just glad there weren't many cameras around back in my day.

This hospital food isn't up to much. Thinking of trying "Don't you know who I am?".

Possible, but still ##rryroryiylpp9,wu

Christmas without having to listen to the wife. Wonderful.

Watching "How racist are you?" on Channel 4. If those brown eyes stay there for too long they'll turn into blue eyes.

Hope the wife doesn't act on her threat to issue a decree to get the TV switched over to the X-Factor.

Watching the dancing. Going to ring up for Anton.

Ugh, the wife has been on here trying to get her iPod working, and has somehow managed to install Safari.

My wife has just been given an iPod. Checking how much they go for on eBay.

It's ridiculous, as I met a black person 30 years ago, on a visit to a coal mine. He might not have been naturally black, thinking about it.

Everyone has been looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something, like I've never seen a black person before.

My idiot son is in Brazil. It's nice to not having him constantly asking about the wife's health.

Re-opened a primary school today. Kids can't draw for shit.

The wife's still encouraging people to buy TVs. I've had to get another as she keeps re-watching her own damn coronation and Noel's HQ.

Ugh, had @ruskin147 round today and he patronisingly explained what Twitter is. I know what it is! At least it wasn't that awful Witchell.

Went shooting today. Did a drive-by on some pheasants from my land rover.

Suggested Dame Carol Thatcher to the wife. She says she'll think about it.

The recent increase in Twitter usage shows that my wife's subjects clearly still know we know what's best for them.