Jeremy Gutsche

i work at meta. hr systems. mostly comp processing. quiet job. stable. sometimes i daydream about retiring in portugal. today a package hit my queue. base + bonus + equity. looks normal at first glance. then i open the details. $1,000,000,000 over four years. plus signing. plus year 1 minimum: $100m. i stare at it like it’s a typo. check the name. triple check the level. researcher. coolcoolcool. so now i have to enter this into workday. i paste the first number, field throws an error.“value must be below $99,999,999.” lol. okay. i try splitting it. base in one bucket, equity in another. nope. i try scientific notation. it rounds it down. the system can’t HANDLE a billion dollars. i call someone on payroll infra. tell them i’ve got a 10-digit comp packet. they think i’m joking. i forward the req. they go quiet. “we’re gonna need to escalate this,” someone mutters. “to who?” i ask. “god, maybe.” next thing i know zuck’s chief of staff is in the thread. now i’m in a thread with zuck. because of a number. then i find out the guy declined the offer. just said no. no negotiation. no counter. just… no. i’ve been maxing out my 401k for 11 years & this man said no to a billion dollars like he was skipping dessert. i close the ticket. delete the draft. go for a walk. & then i rethink everything.