Writer and co-founder of Six20Two. Tequila enthusiast. By all means move at a glacial pace you know how that thrills me. 🏳️🌈 🏴
Wales
Joined June 2011
- Tweets20.2K
- Following8.5K
- Followers20K
- Likes25.2K
Pinned Tweet
Asked this guy at busstop if he wanted to share my umbrella as it was chucking it down. He replied "I'm married"
UM it's not that you're so fucking irresistible I wanted an 8am quickie behind the vets, I thought u might not like to be soaked before work, but DROWN see if I care
Normal British summer time: It's 5am, the birds are singing, the sun is shining, it's lovely and the day awaits when I wake up.
My cat, launching himself from the windowsill on to my head while howling: BREAKFAST 👏 TIME 👏 BITCH
Absolutely adore being an adult, where on a long weekend, you can either do every chore you've been ignoring for the past year, or you can enjoy yourself by indulging in hobbies you have otherwise neglected, but neither is the right choice.
Came down to get breakfast and in an empty kitchen heard a loud howl that made my heart actually stop fucking beating for a second.
And it's this stupid son-of-a-bitch idiot stuck on top of the bookcase.
Overheard the father say, "I would not do that if I were you, sir. The head of the household will not approve."
He's talking to the cat. Head of the household? His other cat.
Alright, @Specsavers, I am aware I need another eye test, but I really didn't need the sass of sending it in size 46 font just so I can see it.
Yeah, life is terrible, and the world is a mess. But at least you don't look like you did in year eight.
Me, to Instagram, after spending years perfecting perfectly square grids for all our clients for them now to change it to fucking rectangles.
Bought a lamp online, and now my entire internet thinks I am ONLY INTERESTED IN LAMPS. Buy a vision beam, a fairy light olive vine, a twinkly tree, a luminous moon, a stained book light up collection??
I have already bought the lamp leave me alone PLEASSEEEE 😭
Effi Mai retweeted
What kind of society would willingly traumatise its children in the name of education? John Harris says as claims about practices in two flagship London schools are investigated, it’s time to stop and think about what schools are really for theguardian.com/commentisfre…
Just had my first "Let's circle back to this in the new year." so in all honesty, I am completely checked out. See you when we ALL circle back in 2025.
Ordered pasta, and the waiter came over with parmesan, and after a while, he said ,"Um madam you are meant to tell me when to stop" #hahaneverstopiwantacheesepilethesizeofahouse
Reduced toilets in services, lot of people waiting. Woman shouts "Can I skip to the front? All I want to do is pee."
What do you think we're all doing at 7:45pm in a service station Sharon, queuing for disney land?! STOP SCREAMING LIKE A FUCKING PTERODACTYL AND GET IT TOGETHER.