Nils Smith

When you offer to help, let people tell you what would actually help. Care requires enough humility to discover your first idea wasn't what they needed.

Before you call someone difficult to work with, notice what happens when they disagree with you. Honesty gets quieter when agreement is the price of belonging.

You can pray for someone and still struggle to be around them. Start with an honest prayer. You don't have to pretend your heart is already where you're asking God to take it.

When someone tells you that you hurt them, resist the urge to list the ways you helped. They can be grateful for you and still need an apology from you.

When you invite someone who knows no one else, stay beside them for a little while. Introduce them by name. Give the conversation somewhere to begin. An invitation is only the beginning of a welcome.

Some prayers are still the same after years of praying. You don't need new words to bring them to God again. He hasn't grown tired of hearing your voice.

Pay attention to how much explaining someone feels they need before telling you no. There may be a reason they think a simple answer won't be enough. Let your response make the next one easier.

If a friend finally asks for help, don't make them regret how long it took. “I wish you'd told me sooner” can wait. “I'm here now” is a good place to start.

You can be grateful for what God has provided and still need help carrying it. Praying for support doesn't make you less thankful.

When you change your team's priorities, help them decide what can wait. A new direction needs room in an actual workday.

When someone says you hurt them, resist the urge to list all the ways you've helped them. The good you've done can be real. So can the apology you owe.

Before you say “I'll pray for you,” pause long enough to hear what they're carrying. You may still say the same words. They'll know you mean their actual life.

When someone brings you a problem early, be careful how you respond. If honesty makes their day harder, you may hear about the next problem much later.

When someone on your team handles something well, tell them what you noticed. People shouldn't have to wait until something goes wrong to find out you're paying attention.

When someone apologizes, you don't have to pretend it didn't hurt to make them comfortable. You can receive their apology and still need time. Honesty belongs in reconciliation too.

When you change direction, tell your team what changed your mind. They may still be working hard to honor instructions you've quietly outgrown.

Some prayers bring a name to mind. Someone to call. Someone to thank. Someone to apologize to. Before you ask God for another answer, respond to that one.

When you help someone, let them have a say in what help looks like. Being in need doesn't mean they've stopped knowing their own life.

Before you add one more priority, tell your team what can wait. Your excitement doesn't create more hours in their week.

When you tell someone you'll pray for them, pause long enough to actually do it. Their pain deserves more than a phrase you use to end a conversation.