1oAlpha@illustrator/Vtuber

OC Nathan ＃OC

WIP

Holy shit, I had the weirdest fucking dream and woke myself up by screaming right into my dog’s ear…… Some bald old dude was provoking me and talking shit, and I just LOST IT and screamed at him in this deep-ass voice: “SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU OLD BASTARD!!!” And the scary part is, I could actually hear myself screaming. 💀 My dog was sleeping right next to me, and I could tell he was startled and looking at me, but apparently, once he realized I was still asleep, he just stayed right there and kept cuddling with me like a body pillow…… I’M SO FUCKING SORRY, DUDE 😭😭😭

Lately, my mental state has been going up and down, and things haven’t been going as smoothly as I’d hoped. One day, I suddenly started wondering, “Wait… could I have bipolar disorder?” Here’s why: just the day before, I was feeling incredibly depressed, but then all of a sudden, I became absolutely convinced that I was going to get better. That sudden, overwhelming certainty made me stop and think, “Wait, could this actually be a symptom of something?” So I brought it up with my psychiatrist right away. It turns out my doctor had already been considering that possibility and had been adjusting my medication accordingly. They told me I seem to have some bipolar tendencies. It’s not a confirmed diagnosis yet, though. And honestly, my reaction is just, “Wait, WHAT?! LMAO 😂” For now, my goal is to find some stability—to neither get too high nor sink too low, but to maintain a more balanced, steady state. My medication is still being adjusted, so I’ll continue taking things at my own pace. I’ll still stream my art whenever I’m feeling well enough! Thank you so much to everyone who’s been supporting me and sticking by my side. I really appreciate you all! 💖

I had the pleasure of drawing a wonderful illustration of @ ZarethNoema !

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I was honestly so surprised… Apparently, the new medication I was prescribed is supposed to stabilize my mood swings, but for the past few days, it somehow stabilized me at the lower end, which was not exactly what I had in mind. Like, no! I meant stabilize me around a normal, preferably better, level. I did NOT mean “please keep me stable at the ‘I’m fucking done with everything’ level.” 😂 I’m feeling quite a bit better today, but honestly, this whole thing was so unexpected that I can’t help but laugh about it now.

progress Gallagher/HSR

Since my medication was reduced, I’ve been experiencing body aches the day after I have to go to the hospital or go shopping. I talked to my doctor about this during my appointment yesterday, so I was prescribed a new medication. I’m feeling pretty good at the moment, but I’m still resting because my body is sore from the fatigue after going to the hospital. I’ll rest for a little while and then get back to work.

A listener introduced me to such a cute character that I couldn’t resist doodling her! Apparently, she’s Zankou from NTE. She’s so beautiful, and I think she’d be really fun to draw in full color! It’s been a while since I drew a girl, and I’m having so much fun with it! 💕

My medication dosage was reduced because my symptoms were considered to be improving, but after that, I suddenly started having much more trouble getting up due to pain all over my body. I’ve been in pain and exhausted this past week, so I haven’t been able to concentrate for very long either, and I haven’t made much progress on my work… I was so happy thinking that I was finally getting better, but if things continue like this, it’s going to be difficult to manage my daily life without going back to my previous dosage. So as soon as the holiday weekend is over, I’ll have to rush to the hospital and talk to my doctor about it… I guess nothing ever goes smoothly in one big leap.

Something really good happened today. I went to the hospital for my anxiety disorder and depressive symptoms, which started earlier this year. I told my doctor, “I recently started keeping bettas, and I’ve been having so much fun that I ended up spending way more money on them than I expected.” My doctor said, “Being able to get this excited and actively engage in a hobby could be a sign that you’re recovering and your mood is improving. You might be taking a little more medication than you need now, so let’s reduce it a bit.” AND THEY REDUCED MY MEDICATION BY ONE PILL FROM THE MAXIMUM DOSE!!!!! 🎉 I genuinely thought I was just going insane over how adorable my bettas are and spending way too much money on them… But apparently, while I was loving and multiplying my precious little fish, I was actually getting better. How many bettas do I have now? About 20. And I might get more. Maybe I should start breeding them. HAHAHAHA I’M FUCKING INSANE 🐟

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I’m gathering reference material for a new commission, but why do I always end up downloading photos of sexy, muscular men while I’m searching…? Whenever I spot a good-looking guy in the image results, I can’t help but save the picture, so now like 90% of my reference folder is just handsome men who have absolutely nothing to do with the actual commission. 😭

I felt like drawing Gallagher as a little break, so I decided to remake one of my older illustrations. Apparently, this one was originally drawn in January 2025. It hasn’t been that long, but I can still feel quite a noticeable difference in my art style!