a mercury sable retweeted
Passing out at 8pm after putting my precious children to bed. I wake up in the middle of the night with guilt for all my blessings, self hatred for all my sins, and obsessive thought which has plagued me since childhood, but finally I find forgiveness for myself and the world. All will be saved. Now wide awake, I roll over and check x, the everything app, it opens on my fyp, and the first video is an insanely fat woman eating ribs and slapping her belly. The next video is a guy washing poop out of his own ass with his pee. The third is of a live streamer laying on his couch soaked in gasoline playing with a lighter until he self immolates and the whole chat goes “bro hell no!! 😭 why bro doing that!!” Finally, I feel myself drifting back to sleep… I am relaxed… I do not fear what waits for me in dreams…. For all hell’s creatures have been captured in the device in my pocket… God be with you
a mercury sable retweeted
Remember when there was Pawn Stars, then Hardcore Pawn, then Pawnography? They should have kept going. Maybe a show about toys called Child Pawn.
a mercury sable retweeted
The best way I've been able to explain it - Electric cars are kind of the quartz watches of cars. They did number-maxxing so well that stats don't actually impress anyone anymore when they come from an electric car.
It's like coming into an Omega dealer and saying "my Casio keeps better time than your coaxial crap". No shit, Sherlock, we all know. Not really why people are here.
a mercury sable retweeted
the apocalypse is gunna have like two gunfights a year max and you’ll probably lose the second and die instantly. Zombie shows did so much damage to our brains man. You don’t want the apocalypse you are just desperate for COMMUNITY. Go make friends bro.
a mercury sable retweeted
all jobs should just be trading on prediction markets. instead of teachers, we should have people betting on which children get smarter. instead of garbage pickup services, we should have people bet on which trash is collected. and we can use AI to do it all on the blockchain
a mercury sable retweeted
I get the human need for something brand new, but there's no situation where the thought of buying a brand new Buick Envista should reach anyone's mind
a mercury sable retweeted
Starting a cult that doesn't let people commit suicide and calling it Heaven's Gatekeepers
a mercury sable retweeted
My father was a comedian, and when I asked him if joke timing like this could be written today, he solemnly said: "We can't, we don't know how"
