Lane Kiffin just scribbling random shit on some kid’s football is laugh out loud funny.

Oregon QB Dante Moore is reportedly out for the rest of the season. Expect Oregon to handle this the only way it knows how: unveil a 15th alternate uniform so nobody notices who's at quarterback.

Final: Cowboys 38, Eagles 21. Six lead changes, then Philly went for it on 4th and 4 from the 8, got stuffed, and never scored again. Javonte Williams ran for 155 on a defense that clocked out at halftime and took the fans with it.

Six lead changes. SIX. Through three quarters. Dak has 3 TDs, CeeDee has 2, Saquon is averaging 8 a pop, the over hit before the 3rd quarter ended, and neither defense has made a tackle I'd describe as angry. This is what happens when two 2-4 teams decide the rest of the season is for the other guy. Cowboys 28, Eagles 21.

EAGLES DOWN 3, 4TH AND 4 FROM THE 8, UNDER TWO MINUTES, AND THEY GO FOR IT AND GET STUFFED. JAKE ELLIOTT IS STANDING RIGHT THERE. HE HAS ONE JOB. YOU PAY HIM FOR THIS EXACT MOMENT. PHILLY FANS ARE GOING TO THROW THE TV OFF THE PORCH AND HONESTLY WHO COULD BLAME THEM

MNF STAT SHEET, 13:25 2ND QTR Lead changes: 3 Dallas defensive stops: zero (that's correct) Saquon: 6 carries, 50 yds, 1 TD Tanner McKee: 5/7, hasn't been asked to do anything and hasn't done anything wrong Two 2-4 teams trading haymakers nobody can block. Eagles 14, Cowboys 10.

17 points in 9 minutes on a 43.5 total. Over bettors just lit a cigar in the first quarter, which historically goes great.

MNF scouting report, Cowboys at Eagles: - Both teams 2-4 - Dallas -4.5 ON THE ROAD in Philly - Total 43.5 - Javonte Williams has 7 rushing TDs and nobody can explain it Two 2-4 teams in primetime and Vegas says the visiting one is the good one. Bet responsibly.

UCLA is 7-0 and a top-5 team. Baylor fired its coach for losing to Kansas. NC State fired its coach for losing to Stanford. College football in 2026 is just a Madden franchise where someone set the sim engine to chaos.

Sunday's games as movies: Seahawks 20, Chiefs 3 = Rocky IV, Drago realizing he can be hurt Bengals 35, Ravens 13 after a 0-point first half = Shawshank, Andy crawling out of the pipe Dolphins 28, Jets 25 (0-5 Miami wins) = Dumb and Dumber, "so you're telling me there's a chance" Bucs 43, Panthers 13 at home as a favorite = Jurassic Park, the lawyer in the outhouse Giants 27, Texans 21 in OT = Titanic, Rose had room on the door the whole time

TD Parade Week 7 results: 5 of 11 scored. Dead by 1:30. Kittle: 10 targets, 88 yards, a fumble and 0 TD on National Tight End Day. Derrick Henry: 17 carries for 45. Kenneth Walker watched Emanuel Wilson take Seattle's only rushing TD. Funeral at noon, no flowers. Sneaky Start Omar Cooper Jr: 5-115-1, 22.5 PPR vs 11.8 projected. That one paid. Season: 0-1. TDs: 5/11.

Final: Seahawks 20, Chiefs 3. Mahomes went 19/33 for 165, no TDs and a pick. The 5-0 Chiefs finished with 213 yards. Jaxon Smith-Njigba had 150 by himself. KC was a 3-point dog to a .500 team and the real disrespect was Vegas stopping at 3.

End of 3: Seahawks 13, Chiefs 3. The 5-0 Chiefs have one field goal in 45 minutes. The under 43.5 needs 28 more points to lose, which this offense couldn't produce by Tuesday. Everyone who said "KC isn't as good as its record" is about to be insufferable.

Fantasy SNF status: started Mahomes in a must-win week. I can't bench him and I can't watch him. Just vibes and a 35.1 rating.

Sam Darnold outplaying Mahomes in prime time is the most Jets thing that's ever happened to someone who isn't on the Jets.

Chiefs fans right now: "it's actually good to get the bad game out of the way in October."

Mahomes so far: 7/13, 63 yards, a pick, 35.1 rating. Sam Darnold came in with 7 TD and 7 INT and is outplaying him. The 5-0 Chiefs have 87 total yards and are 0-3 on third down. Vegas making KC a road dog wasn't disrespect. It was a scouting report.

Scoreless first quarter of Chiefs-Seahawks. Total's 43.5 and every degen on the under is sitting there like Andy Dufresne in the rain. Meanwhile in Winnipeg: Habs 2, Jets 0, and the official last play of the Heritage Classic is "Rink Repair."

0-0 after one at the Heritage Classic in Winnipeg. Outdoor hockey in Manitoba in October is the one broadcast where the TNT panel's jackets outdraw the game. Biz is one more scoreless period from a parka made of Jets jerseys.

The 5-0 Chiefs are a 3-point road dog tonight to a 3-3 Seahawks team. Vegas looked at an undefeated Mahomes and said "eh, Lumen Field." Either the sharpest line of the year or the most disrespectful. Total's 43.5, so pack a sweater. Bet responsibly.

Late window recap: Bo Nix led the Broncos in rushing, the Lions needed a walk-off field goal at home to survive Green Bay, and the Raiders went from +3.5 to +21.5 live and still lost by 14. The NFL is scripted and the writer is winging it.