Dimitri Rooney Finds Out youtube.com/watch?v=RcIc1Tou…

Hey @asda - how do I complain about the way case #05444483 is being ignored? A ridiculously short-dated chicken and, far worse, bacon that was a WEEK out of date.... Thankfully we check before accepting. Food poisoning sucks more than your staff's stock rotation skills.

When Alexa voice command history gives us blokes the smallest insight into living with the #menopause.

If you could rewrite the lines; to a poem we both know. And make it modern times; how would your lyrics go? With apologies to Kipling, here's my take. Words by me, music & vocals by @suno.

Ignore the Cheerios, buy the damn t-shirt. @theCALMzone #CALM #SuicidePrevention shop.thecalmzone.net/

Dear @cyborgturkey Could we please have the crossover "Resident Alien: Earth"? Harry Vanderspeigle appears to be a doctor in a sleepy Colorado town, but is hiding the fact that he is, in reality, a xenomorph.

I took part in this yesterday, would greatly encourage any other middle-aged men to do the same.

#MAFSAU SPOILER ALERT In 3 2 1 So 3 experts managed to produce just one successful couple - who already knew each other and therefore may have got back together again away.... That's some seriously high-tech matching!

So nice to sit down and have a quiet Valentine's Day meal, just the two of u..... oh.

Happy July @rik_ferguson

Damn they nearly convinced me this time @rik_ferguson. This shit's getting more and more sophisticated.

Dear @WelHatCouncil Could someone please come and install taller road signs? Repeat requests for mowing are being ignored, so it's time for Plan B! @whtimes

Imagine having to eat rancid, maggot-infested tripe for years - then being given the option to replace it with parboiled dog shit. An improvement? Maybe, maybe not, but at least no more of that tripe, huh? This is how I feel about 4th July. #generalelection #4thJuly

Oh crap, didn't score well.

Hey @eBay_UK - what's the use of having a price gouging reporting policy if you then dismiss items as not being grossly overpriced? A certain medicinal "liver salt" which is no longer manufactured, but listed at 50 times its retail price. If that isn't price gouging, what is?