Author of AUGUSTA, AN AMERICAN MUSE (2027). @VanityFair contributor and confirmed lounger. Appears annually in @NYMag’s Christmas Issue matrix.
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Joined June 2014
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Proud to formally announce my book, AUGUSTA: AN AMERICAN MUSE, coming in 2027. AUGUSTA expands on my November 2024 profile for @VanityFair, the second most read piece in the magazine that year, to cover the full half decade relationship between Augusta Britt and Cormac McCarthy.
Vincenzo Barney retweeted
Gotta say, spending 20 minutes reading about Clavicular was not high on my list, but the style of the author @BarneysRubble0 is first-rate and 100 pc worth the effort, thought the subject might not merit its chronicler.
"Braden was sexually educated by porn and, insecure about his penis and having never seen Austin Powers, he got earnestly into penis pumps and began diversifying his natural penis-enlargement techniques from the rudimentary weighted shopping bag."
unherd.com/2026/10/the-downf…
I covered Clavicular at court.
unherd.com/2026/10/the-downf…
Vincenzo Barney retweeted
In a roundabout way, I've written about Clav as the newest manifestation of the American pathological obsession with artificial human perfectability for the past century and a half or so. I stand by that assessment.
But @BarneysRubble0's piece for @unherd about little Braden's sexual insecurity (and really our culture's sexual insecurity enabled by our digitally interconnected world) is a stand-out analysis for the moment in which we find ourselves.
Also, I wish to lobby for "five foot ninedly" to become the OED's newest neologism.
unherd.com/2026/10/the-downf…
Vincenzo Barney retweeted
Vincenzo Barney wields his fearsome pen in the direction of @Clavicular's famous phallus on the occasion of his rape-trial hearing:
"First, Braden was born in New Jersey. This is not a crime, but an affluent genesis in Hoboken — with a businessman for a father and a stay-at-home bodybuilder for a mother — does not bode well for the development of a personality. He attended a private all-boys Catholic high school, was bullied for being very small, and started experimenting with testosterone — formerly known as 'going through puberty.' However, Braden belongs to a generation that has distinguished itself by thwarting the course of puberty and outsourcing it to third parties, and so he began taking testosterone, hitting himself in the face with hammers, and attaching weighted shopping bags to his penis. You know, to permanently stretch it."
O Clavicular, lil lil Clavicular...
He makes sense only in person: tiny, no physical presence, stained trousers.
Nothing can prepare you for his lack of charisma in person.
I reported on the dog handoff and his nervousness in court for @unherd.
unherd.com/2026/10/the-downf…
Vincenzo Barney retweeted
Report from the field on the Clavicular phenomenon and the environment that made him by @BarneysRubble0 who notes: "The defining feeling of this century and driving force of technocapitalism is boredom. Mankind’s attention span has been caged these three decades in the visual medium of the internet, whose momentum relies entirely on monetizing the metadata this boredom gives off."
unherd.com/2026/10/the-downf…
Vincenzo Barney retweeted
Clavicular has been left the lone, self-satirical voice saying you shouldn’t go down on women.
Vincenzo Barney (@BarneysRubble0) in @unherd.
unherd.com/2026/10/the-downf…
O Clavicular, lil lil Clavicular...
He makes sense only in person: tiny, no physical presence, stained trousers.
Nothing can prepare you for his lack of charisma in person.
I reported on the dog handoff and his nervousness in court for @unherd.
unherd.com/2026/10/the-downf…
Vincenzo Barney retweeted
Great article on @unherd — you only languagemogged us all
Vincenzo Barney retweeted
The downfall of Clavicular.
By Vincenzo Barney @BarneysRubble0
unherd.com/2026/10/the-downf…
Vincenzo Barney retweeted
Around 1500, Hieronymus Bosch painted sheet music on a sinner's bare butt in hell. 500 years later, someone transcribed and performed it. Now you can hear the original butt song from hell.
“But what if space were not so benign? What if we did not act upon space, explore into space, but space rather acted upon us, drew us toward her dispositions, her plans for us, her intent upon human life, what if we thought we moved up but were drawn up, what if the moon was as quiet as the fisherman when he lays the fly on the water…” Norman Mailer, Of a Fire on the Moon.
Artemis III, 2028
Vincenzo Barney retweeted
The Australian government just SHUT DOWN one of the scam NDIS businesses we exposed.
Out of the 5 businesses we investigated, 2 have now been shut down and another 2 remain under active NDIS investigation and audit. 4 from 5 so far.
SHUTDOWN!!! @PeteZogoulas
Drinking is very constructive.
There’s something about that first flush that is very masculine. It’s like breaking through a dark wood at evening and stumbling upon something lighted.
Everything is open from there.
The flip side is that it is very feminine to be taken in by it.
I think that’s where addiction to it breaks in: you set yourself up to conquer it this time, over and over and over again.
In that sense it becomes like breathing and orgasm. A regular test of virility. The fight against it feminizes the body. But to never take it up is to never set your masculinity at hazard.
No clue what it must feel like for women.
I need help from AI developers for an ambitious project. DM me!
Ancient Greek mathematicians did not recognize zero as a number. They very nearly invented calculus 2000 years before Newton without using zero, but positive geometrical magnitudes instead.
I want to train an AI on the furthest advancements of Ancient Greek mathematics, geometry and the Parmenidean precept that non-being (zero) cannot exist, and introduce it to experimental observations of classical quantum mechanics.
I want quantum observations to be interpreted in an entirely different mathematics that does not admit of nothingness, non-being, non-quantity, zero, etc. to see if it reveals relationships obscured by our modern mathematics, makes major breakthroughs, or hits the same road block.
