Not Racist Guy

Being president sounds like a dream job for a gay guy: always getting debriefed by other men.

90% of improv shows in Austin: “Hey! We’re Snaggletooth! Who here LOVES to laugh! Ok, this is not that kind of show.”

It’s “Unalive Tony” now.

🎶 “Her name was Rio and that’s Mexican for bathroom” 🎶

The rock sauce is like a zip sauce girl is going to be made press secretary.

Calling in gay to work tomorrow.

Women aren’t prepared for the Chernobyl level disasters I’m about to bring to their bathroom stalls.

Wait, Talarico and Ginajosa are in love and they’re married??

I’m so relieved we don’t have to put 🅱️ in front of c words anymore. We crippin now, cuh.

When do we start moving the people who have Bible verses in their bios into the camps?

I hate gay Halloween because what do you mean you have sex with men? That’s disgusting and degenerate. You’re tearing apart the moral fabric of America.

Telling me you have boundaries, as someone who has issues respecting boundaries, is incredibly insensitive. But you didn’t even consider that before we circled up for this improv warmup, did you?

I hate gay Halloween because what do you mean you’re an AI data center wearing a shirt that says “I’d rather be a gay guy dating center”?

Every Halloween I’m reminded that we did the right thing by allowing women to vote. I won’t be expounding on this.

I bet PSYCHOS love Halloween.

I get so pissed off when people tell me to “break a leg” before a show. Fuck you?

I hate gay HUSSEIN Halloween, because what do you mean you’re the Cheesecake Factory menu rewritten as Jon Benet Ramsey’s ransom note

Me if I drove for Uber: “Hey I’m Tim and I’m your FRICKEd and twisted Uber driver! Are you ready for a fricked and twisted ride? We’re listening to ROB ZOMBIE and cussing is MANDATORY. If we see a cop, flip them off or GET OUT! Also please buckle up.”

James HUSSEIN Talafreako Libtard Magistrate (they/them)