Get ready liver, daddy got yelled at during the team meeting today

Babe not to be romantic or anything, but I will gladly refill your water before bed

Does my new headshot play or nah??

I try to be a “go with the flow” kind of person, but does the flow even want to go with me

You’re in her DMs, she has a Twitter draft saved about me

(Flirting) I think we could make a social gathering deeply uncomfortable together

I say “never again” and then I again again

Returning from war (successfully sifted through 1000+ unread emails)

Currently experiencing one of those hangovers you ask ChatGPT about. Send help

“When can I see you?” I’ll tweet in a little bit, you can like it then

I can’t flirt but I promise I’ll laugh at everything you say

For Halloween someone should go as the loml

My love language is spicy margaritas and decent tweets

Unfortunately I do love $20 cocktails and laughing with the bros

(Flirting) I could listen to you be wrong for hours

Liking my tweets lowers your cortisol and keeps you beautiful

Taking a break from focusing on my mental health and instead focusing on having a four day weekend (which may be good for my mental health)

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t tweet

Please stop becoming girl bosses, we need more Twitter personalities

Can I come over and start putting up Christmas lights

I’m actually really funny once you get to know me (takes 1-2 years)