Nicole Farr Kramer

The Brewers just advanced to the World Series for the first time in 44 years. They beat the Dodgers, who outspend them by $193 million. With a player who said: “I stopped caring about results. I started caring about competing.” And a manager who got fired from his first big-league job and had to admit: “My ego was involved a great deal more than it should have been. Last year, the brewers lost to LA in the playoffs, getting swept in the process. Their coach Pat Murphy’s framing backfired: “I’m sorry I played that underdog card. I probably shouldn’t have played that, used that as an excuse for why we didn’t play well...I don’t care who the underdog is. I don’t care who the favorite is. It’s about getting in the ring and fighting it out.” Our frame has to match the moment. An underdog story can be energizing, but it can also give you an out. That’s the nuance of leading in the arena, everything works and doesn’t. Two years ago, after hitting .199, Jake Bauers was ready to retire. A few days after he made that call, he found out his wife was pregnant. He stuck around partially for the health insurance. Now, he’s the NLCS MVP, after a career year, and three moments that changed the series for the Brewers. His explanation for the turnaround: “I came into this year feeling like there was really only one person holding me back, and that was myself...I stopped caring about results. I started caring about competing.” It sounds absurd. Isn’t the result the point? But when we focus too much on the result, it pulls us away from taking the actions that actually help us get there. An outcome obsession also activates more avoidance motivation. Our brain goes into protecting our ego mode because we’ve told it the results matter so much. We’ve got to let go...just enough, to get out of our own way. The Brewers manager has a similar arc. Pat Murphy got his first big-league managing job at 56, as the Padres’ interim. He lasted 96 games and was let go. His own review: “I did everything wrong five times... My ego was involved a great deal more than it should have been.” He then spent 8 seasons as a bench coach, and only got another opportunity at 65. He’s now been Manager of the Year twice with the 19th-ranked payroll. His simple motto: “You keep trying to find a way.” He benched Christian Yelich, his highest-paid player, for Game 1 of the NLCS. He benched rookie Cooper Pratt for not hustling, in a pennant race. He comes with standards and care, at the same time. It’s not an either/or, demanding or players coach. You need both. “They may have a bunch of Hall of Famers, but we’ve got a bunch of gamers. And the gamers won this week.” The Brewers won with a manager who dropped his ego. A star player who dropped the results story. And a team who ditched the underdog role, and decided to compete instead of trying to force their way to a win.. And they came from behind in all 4 games, to claim victory. That’s what a gamer is. People who tell the right story for the moment in front of them. It’s not some fake alpha BS that looks good on the internet. It’s someone who finds a way to show up and keep competing, despite the discomfort, fear, and everything else that goes into stepping into the arena.

There are a lot of tips and tricks that can help our mental health. But after researching and writing about this for years, the best advice I can give is: Do real things in the real world with real people, occasionally hard, sometimes alone.