Professor Cramulus

sex on a plane = Mile High Club Is jacking off on a plane the 1/2 Mile High Club? If so... how many times I gotta jack off on this bus?

There should be a federal prison for dogs and cats with shitty haircuts

Guillotines often backfired, leaving the victim's head even more strongly attached than it was before the... tmblr.co/ZyXZ4w1_zrUy0

📷 Jarl Elvis, Viking floorlord tmblr.co/ZyXZ4w1_cXlpq

"The Telltale Heart" but the dead guy is my dogs poop in my neighbors lawn and Im talking to him and sweet merciful fuck I'm going to hurl

You guys are missing the point entirely. Let's masturbate in public for *artistic* reasons.

Accidentally got on the Bang Bus, it was full of Legend of the Hidden Temple guards. Gave them my medallion and got off the bus.

Discordian koan fractalcult.tumblr.com/post/…

I have an idea for a social network: We all write status updates on potatoes and then throw them at each other. I call it SpudChuck.

I think a lot of foods are inappropriate and should wear more clothing. For example: fishnet stockings for nachos.

Little old ladies make up 85% of the population but only 21% of law enforcement and in 2015 that is inexcusable Horse Crap.

I am down for any program that is y2k compliant.

fuckin tractor plows thru an illegal chicken betting ring & lands in a kiddie pool of piss. 2016 presidential campaign is off to a bad start

I appreciate the standing ovation but to be completely honest I dropped the mic by accident.

Galadriel: "…things that were… things that are… and some things…" [She empties the ewer, steps back] "which are in my 23 chapter fanfic."

Million $$$ business idea: BYOB supermarket. You can drink IN the store! But, for legal reasons, only if you bring it from outside.

Biden reveals Obama is actually dead & he's been pulling a "Weekend at Bernies" for 2 years. How did we not notice this?

"If our theory is right, it destroys everything anybody knows about anything" - yeah, that's pretty succinctly why it's wrong