@DaddyJew

https://xitter.cf/t.co/Khbo6khxhO

 Baltimore, MD
Joined November 2011
  • Tweets30K
  • Following1.1K
  • Followers38.9K
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*magically pulls a joint out behind my lil nephew’s ear* Nephew’s mom: will you stop doing that
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DaddyJew retweeted
Pia Nacar@Kimgee822h
Social media: Here's a product you absolutely don't need.
Me: Add to cart.
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"You're only one medical emergency away from bankruptcy" - bitch, I'm one flat tire away from bankruptcy, wtf are you talking about?
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DaddyJew retweeted
SeaShell@DianeP89Oct 22
Traffic is much more tolerable when you’ve made the best playlist ever.
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DaddyJew retweeted
Covie
@covie_93Oct 22
Zelensky has become more fluent in English in four years than melania in 30 years.
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DaddyJew retweeted
DaddyJew@DaddyJew27 Jan 2015
Librarian: can I check you out? Me: sure [spins around] Librarian: I meant your book Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense
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you gotta fight for your right to say “fuck this shit”
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DaddyJew retweeted
DaddyJew@DaddyJew23 Sep 2024
Cop: do you know how fast you were going? Me: I thought that was your job
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Them: what’s the best thing about your job? Me: definitely the pay Them: you get paid a lot? Me: nope
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don’t fuck up the rotation, Charlie Brown
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DaddyJew retweeted
Sandee@Paige__xxx9h
can’t, collecting dick pics for my coffee table book.
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some of you were never goosed in duck duck goose and it shows
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If I ever have to get knee replacement surgery, I’m gonna request bees knees, I hear they are the best
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Midlife isn't a crisis, it's a hostile takeover
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i enjoy long walks back from the dispensary
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mom, im gonna have to call you back. the boys are back in town
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let’s give them something to wonder wtf was that about
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i used to need alarms to wake up but now i just wake up to the overwhelming sense of dread every morning
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DaddyJew retweeted
Meg@megannn_lynneOct 22
fool me once? shame on you. fool me twice? still shame on you. we’ve clearly established i’m easy to fool. find a more difficult challenger, loser
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DaddyJew retweeted
Penny
@farmgirlfunnyOct 22
Mistakes were made. But it was last century. We were stupid back then.
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balls deep inside of me would be a great way for us to spend the evening
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