DSCheetham

As I go through this rebuilding phase I've been learning about Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln. Many have heard TR's quote, "Black care rarely sits behind a rider whose pace is fast enough." TR is right, but that's a hard life trying to outrun your demons with work & achievement. I know because I tried and after over 30 years of whipping myself forward it stopped working. I did alright but even if it still worked, man, that's a hard way to live. I saw this passage in "Lincoln's Melancholy" and while it's not an apples to apples comparison with the TR quote, here I see a man grappling with his emotions and the travails of life in real time, not suppressing or compartmentalizing. And while those can be useful tools when used well, I've often overused them. And when you limit the unpleasant emotions you also limit the pleasant ones, as well as positive emotion. There are many ways to be a good man and live a good life, but I want to be running to something amazing more than I'm running from something terrible.

Amazing & transformative. A few quick thoughts - Everyone* could benefit from this. Moves you up the sickness-fitness spectrum - Retreat diet is next level fibermaxxing. 20g/day easy. Hydrate. - "Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. Between the two my life flows" - Nisargadatta Maharaj *A personal or family history of psychotic disorders like schizophrenia can make retreats destabilizing. Similar contraindications as psychedelics.

NACRE "Anything in life worth doing is worth overdoing. Moderation is for cowards." At 10 I KO'd my spleen after crashing my bike, I blew out and then reconstructed both shoulders in high school (baseball), trouble in school, a few near misses with the law, barely graduated high school, but I wanted to be a SEAL... Fuck it, push So I joined the Navy, and since the wars were kicking and they needed guys I got waivers and made it through. Spent sixteen years as a SEAL deploying to the usual places, plus climbing, skydiving, BASE jumping, and skiing on the side. I had another 6 surgeries and countless minor injuries, partying with the boys and a series of failed relationships (mostly my fault), but I needed to go to 11... Fuck it, push I retired early because of all the ortho injuries (8 major surgeries). As I was retiring I began major renovations on a 4plex in San Diego and a ~ground-up SFR + detached garage/ADU in LA in 2021; turns out fighting the Fed and shady contractors and managing construction projects 3 hours apart is not the way to begin a real estate career. In late 2022 I could've sold the LA property, taken an L, and finished the San Diego project. But that would mean quitting... Fuck it, push By the time 2024 rolled around I was sleeping in the LA construction project because the money had run out. My body hurt so bad I could barely use a stationary bike (much less do something as exotic as a pushup), sleep was elusive but exhaustion ever present, but I was still insisting on going to school part-time and thought my body would straighten out any day now. But by 2026 I felt like an antelope at the end of a persistence hunt; I had no "Fuck it, push" left in me and was ready to accept my fate. Fortunately, I made it through that dark night of the soul by holding on to the only things that truly matter, those closest to me. Returning to life, many lessons crystallized rapidly, such as: -I'd turned my pain tolerance and tenacity from a strength to a weakness -a good life requires far more than applying concepts like classical mechanics and microeconomics -the emotional & social game is the most important game in life; all of our skills & abilities rest on this base So why "NACRE"? Nacre is the iridescent substance that gives pearls their iconic look. When an irritant gets inside an oyster, the oyster first tries to expel it. If that fails, the oyster secretes nacre around the irritant, forming a pearl layer by layer. I've often thought about trying to go back and "fix myself" both physically & emotionally and get back to how I used to be or could've been. But recently I've seen this to be not only folly but denigrating to myself as well; my scars aren't going anywhere and are a part of me, giving me valuable depth and perspective. I choose to build a life with them and even because of them, not in spite of them. Why am I sharing this? Getting better, in body, mind, and spirit, is my full-time job, and I'm sharing what I'm working on. I also believe that my failure modes are very common in type (especially for men) but more extreme in magnitude; as such the strengths & weaknesses are more evident. Hopefully by sharing I can help other people learn about their own lives, recoveries, and lifelong growth. The opening quote is a line from the Frogman Toast (Frogman is a nickname for SEALs). It's a fun thing to belt out over beers with the boys, but it is not the life operating system I had made it. It got me here, and I'm grateful for those people, institutions, and versions of me, but it won't get me where I want to go. I accept responsibility for all my actions & their consequences, but as that philosophy approaches infinity it converges on 0, not infinity as I'd thought. Thucydides described the error buried in the Frogman Toast 2,400 years ago in "History of the Peloponnesian War": "Reckless audacity came to be considered the courage of a loyal ally; prudent hesitation specious cowardice; moderation was held to be a cloak for unmanliness." I'm working towards health in body, mind, and spirit. This time moderation, as well as intuition & emotion, will hold equal billing with analysis & aggression. PS, Thanks to @moseskagan, @rossiadam, @matznerjon, @pinpulledrmf, and @krissbergtweets for encouraging me to write more; and thanks most of all to my Mom and brother (in the pic with me) for not only writing encouragement but so much more. She packs a lot of badass in that little frame, and he's been an irreplaceable friend & ally, helping me see another way. I know your time is precious, so I will headline all future posts on this topic with "NACRE" so if that isn't your thing you can scroll by.

Pushing stuff down is easy, but I've found it it much harder to dig it back up later, even when I was intentional about the process. It's not like exercise or work where I can just push harder, it's more akin to sleep where I need to "let go" My current strategy is two-fold: 1. Hatha/Yin Yoga. About 40 minutes in, once the body is warm and the Sitar is hitting, I'll be in the back of the back having a moment 2. The Teddy Roosevelt strategy aka go into nature alone and have myself a manly cry I've found that these help me drop my guard enough to let the softer, quieter parts of my soul be heard