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I'm at the zoo and I keep calling the snakes, "lizard noodles," and security is asking me to leave.
Conservatives will call liberals “sheep” or “soft” and then take a Segway tour while wearing cargo shorts.
Daniel Carrillo retweeted
I keep thinking about how, with two months notice that this ruling was coming, the democratic-controlled congress not only *didn't* codify abortion rights, but overwhelmingly passed a security bill protecting these SCOTUS justices
You will never be as cool as the guy that hits the back of the delivery truck twice to signal to the driver that the cargo is secure.
*hears a police siren*
*me peaking out of my blinds*
“Seems as if there’s a shorty fire burning on the dance floor.”
*sits down at a nice steakhouse*
Server: Can I start you off with something from our raw bar.
Me: Yes. The shrimp cocktail.
The shrimp cocktail:
General Mills/CTC nosediving into a PR nightmare while all of Twitter piles on, gives me hope for brighter days.
