Darren Wensor

Most sports parents have the best intentions. We just lose our way. The Support vs. Pressure line can be so faint—or maybe we're so focused on a different line, the finish line— that we hardly know we cross it, but once we cross it, it can be extremely hard to regain our children's trust. It can be a little or a lot. Direct or indirect. It doesn't matter. Because any action that says," My interest and influence goes beyond your happiness and well-being," and we've already probably lost them. It may not show itself at 7, 10, 16, or even 20, but it does catch up to you. Typically it's a slow and steady loss of joy and ownership that eventually leads to quitting, resentment, and even a complete breakdown in the parent/child relationship. ►Examples of subtle ways we pressure our kids: We watch every practice? We videotape them incessantly while they are playing sports? We deliver epic car ride-home speeches. We know everything about the opposing teams and their strengths and weaknesses? We constantly talk about their sports in the car and at the dinner table. We prioritize sports over family functions and family trips. ►Examples of overt ways we pressure: We yell at them about their performance on the field. We manipulate them by using bribes and promises in exchange for them to perform well. We push them to play or practice when they are hurt or sick. We hide their injuries, even concussions, from the coach and team. If you are at risk of crossing this line or want more information, I've put a few articles in the comments that can be helpful. Thank you, Amy Saltzman @spotaspider, for your incredible book, A Still Quiet Place For Athletes.