David Pressman

My upstairs neighbors are either having sex or a minotaur is eating a flock of sheep.

I welcome the diarrhea lettuce.

My dad keeps calling the restaurant “P.J Changs” and i’m getting way too angry about it.

Happy 87th birthday to my dad, the great Larry Pressman. And if you are not yet aware of it, he is the coolest. ❤️

I get way too excited when they add a new building to Roku City.

So only 19% of SAG-AFTRA members bothered to vote on the new contract? Cool.

Me, hammered, leaving The Cheesecake Factory. nitter.gq/rabbitSZN2/status/2060…

BREAKING: Chris Klein has pulled out of the Freedom 250 Concert

My mom throwing DOWN

Happy International Womens Day to all the women out there except my demon ex. A hairy succubus who is probably flying around Los Angeles right about now looking for a soul to eat. Stay vigilant.

RIP

No Kings

I have booped at least 15 people on Partiful and not one boop back. What the f is going on?

Just heard that my neighbor for many years when I was growing up, sadly passed away. Clive Revill. The OG Emperor Palpatine in Empire Strikes Back. He was always so lovely to me and told the best stories. Bringing this video back to when I asked him to do his iconic line. Legend.

Throw him back in the fire

Guys, Jerry Jones is a really good actor. Would love to see him in Wicked 2.

My ex posted her top 10 movies of the year like anyone cares but I agree with most of them and I just hate her.

Don’t stop there. Eliminate daylight. Fulfill your destiny.

In all honesty, I’ve been talking about Arnold Palmer’s penis to anyone who would listen for YEARS.

I love Shohei Ohtani. I love him so much.