Death Star HR Dept

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 12 years, since 13 Feb 2011 (via @twi_age).

*sobs*

I gotta go…we got cows!

Dude’s heart is in the right place. The colors are right but that is the flag of Sweden.

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 11 years, since 13 Feb 2011 (via @twi_age).

Sprite 5 days post op may have been a bad idea.

Well my hospital vacation is at an end. I al being discharged sans gallbladder. But I did have real food today that wasn’t jello or applesauce.

Two gallbladder attacks this month. Gonna need to have that sucker removed.

Two years since I have seen this.

Hey @HelloFresh how am I supposed to make a sandwich with the bread on the right? It’s literally crostini size.

So just rolled my ankle and passed out into a stucco wall. How’s your day going?

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 10 years, since 13 Feb 2011 (via @twi_age).

Huge flock of Canadian geese is flying overhead. DON’T YOU DARE POOP ON MY CAR YOU NORTHERN ASSHOLES!

I stretched and my sternum popped. I didn’t know that was possible. Now my chest hurts whenever I move my left arm.

I love the smell of bread baking.

I am bored so I am attempting to make beer bread.

Hey @USPSHelp why is there a rock in my mailbox instead of ya know...MY MAIL!

Thanks FedEx for leaving a brand new TV in the original box at my door in full view of the neighborhood and not ring the doorbell. Thankfully I work from home and was able to drag it inside.

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 9 years, since 13 Feb 2011 (via @twi_age).