Day in the life of a L/S Equity PM 3:30am - wake up in a cold sweat from the memory of your IB VP calling you a fucking retard 5:30am - get to the office and plug into bloomberg. Investor relations girlies are doing the firm sponsored pilates class in the firm owned gym. You ask yourself why you chose this career 8:30am - finish reading your emails. Sell-side has downgraded your entire long book and upgraded your entire short book. Excellent 12:30pm - stare into the bathroom mirror and contemplate killing yourself 12:35pm - take the 2nd biggest shit of your life 1:30pm - risk reaches out reminding you that you have too much exposure to the dividend yield factor. Thank you 2:30pm - head out to grab lunch. Homeless man with an iPhone and gucci sweatshirt pisses on your Sperrys. Good reminder to vote for Mamdani, he’ll fix this 4:15pm - reviewing exposures and performance, realize you made 1.5bps today. Sweet 7:00pm - yell into the abyss (Murray Hill) on your way home 10:30pm - go to bed. Dream of ways to acquire MNPI without getting flagged by compliance

GAVIN PLEASE TELL US HOW THIS IS SOMEHOW BULLISH AI

Does this not look like someone rimming a giant asshole. Signal for AI/Semi trade being shit from here?

Is he shit posting because his public book is up 70% YTD or is he shitposting because its down 70%

>be new $NKE CFO >realize that you need to bolster confidence of LO investor base because old team was cutting too much > issue worst FY guide of last several years > give most granular women's basketball color ever (+600%) > give no additional quarterly P&L color that matters

Is there anyone on here with access to msci that can DM me their KMX est for 2Q and 3QTD units

$ONON straight gaming the robots today just chirping "high-quality earnings compounder" every 5 min

So the hyrox girl can shit her pants and finish the race, but when I do it at my desk during earnings I get a call from HR. Got it

This is what Kylie Kardashian would look like without plastic surgery

Buddy who just moved to NYC: I know a dope spot to day drink in LES. Cheap drinks and great ratio The spot:

TFW when your aunt scores you an internship with the last remaining consumer team at BAM (they blew up on your 2nd day in the office)

Just remember the devil works hard but your analyst development team doesn’t work at all

Why is every BAM intern posting about the end of the internship? More importantly, why are they all thirst traps?

BREAKING: Twink forced to sell privates to NYC Daddy after getting topped by Koreans

Baseball bros in shambles with Savannah Bananas headlining ESPYS

To my pals in tech