DEITY DOZEN ™

Married women will be sneaking around with you then one day just break down and cry from the slightest minute romantic gesture from their husband & confess everything, she will see him seething & foaming & will suspiciously not even give you a heads up, meanwhile you didn't know they were married, you get up at midday to commotion because there's a guy who's poured petrol around the goat pen and is threatening to set the farm on fire if you don't come out, you've never seen him in your life, there was no sign he existed, she's been coming to you, your farm staff have seen her, you call the police then go out, you ask him what the problem is, he accuses you loudly enough for the farm hands to hear, you ask him to show you the image of his wife, you take one look at her and tell him that's your cousin's woman in the next home, beauty of family genes, he kinda looks like you, you know the bank is looking for him for a scam he pulled, so you furiously ask them man to pay you 2 million for nearly damaging the farm or you call the police, suspiciously the same amount as school fees your niece & nephew need as fees balance, you farm hands know what's happening and pick farm implements, he knows he's outnumbered, makes a wire transfer, bank to your mobile, then furiously heads to the cousin's family home, who jumps out of window immediately after seeing him approach thinking it's a bank hired bailiff, the husband is a Kampala man, he's never run a day in his life since he left high school, so stands no chance. You call the wife & berate her, then end the call before she explains. The whole village, even those that thought you had no "fire" now know you're not to be ridiculed, you come out of this skirmish with money, slightly bruised ego,slight shame, but respect from the village. You send the farm hands to share ugx 300k & an innocent goat loses their life later that evening in your place.

*Meat & grit.