Eric Nolin

"My wife hates the sight of my face lately. She's all moody and distant and hormonal." Today in the sauna a dude in his 40s said this. He's been married 20+ years. "How long has that been going on?" I asked. "About a month," he responded. I asked, "so what are you going to do about it?" "Do about it? Wait it out like always. Spend extra time in the gym. Don't poke the bear." "Sounds like a lame strategy to me, if you can even call it a strategy." He said, "Oh yeah? You have a better idea?" "Yeah. When people are withdrawing, it's usually because they feel unlovely or unloveable. It's an avoidant attachment style. You withdrawing right back is validating her concern. Avoidant attachment styles rear their heads in midlife as we age and aren't as obviously youthful as we once were. If you both are committed to avoiding each other except for when you both happen to be in a good mood, you'll end up divorced. She's thinking to herself, potentially unconsciously, "will he fight for me when I'm at my worst?" And right now you're answering loud and clear: "No, I won't." Take her on a date, tell her you don't like how things are going, and ask her what you can do to better prove to her that you don't just love her, but like her." He bought in. Husbands have a lot of power. Pouting about your wife to other guys is beta behavior. Take a risk and set the tone in your marriage. Cherish and nourish your wife (Ephesians 5:29). Friends have a lot of power. Don't let the men in your life avoid their responsibility for setting the tone in their marriages. The cliche is true: "Iron sharpens Iron" (Proverbs 27:17).