Stand Up Comic, Writer of Pithy Things, Host/Producer of Audio/Segment casts, Currently Appearing in Google Maps Street View (non-speaking role), Dad to mutants
San Francisco, CA
Joined February 2010
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When someone says they can smell fear on you, that's urine... or possibly pre-cum. #JokesRecyclEd – at San Bruno, CA
Trump is so disgusting that as I was watching a Biography doc about Nixon & thought, “Huh, he wasn’t really so bad…”
That’s how bad Trump is.
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I recently realized why I never became a firefighter, stairs...
I'm happy to work the pumps & hoses but the stairs...if I'm gonna carry you out it needs to be a single story ranch...🤓😬😘
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It’s been a fun day of being attacked by ultra feminists that didn’t like a joke I made to a fellow (female) comedian friend…it’s almost like I’m still married to ‘The Creature’™️
Thankfully I spent a bundle on therapy during the divorce so I know how to deal with narcissists.
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In many states you cannot vote if you’re a convictEd felon.
Yet sadly, for some moronic reason, you can still be electEd President of this country even if you’re a convictEd felon… #InsaneUSABullshit
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Went on a date,then a couple days after the date every time I text her it says undelivered…so I’ve been ghostEd. No worries, I leave her alone, if I’m not her thing I’m not her thing. But now she’s posting “you don’t know what you missed.” #ShesTheGhost?!
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I’m seeing Larry David’s comments on Richard Lewis’ death. They had been friends since camp when they were 12.
It’s a beautiful testament to friendship & love….but I still think, it’s not like I lost my friend from camp….we keep in touch on Insta…🥸
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I heard a Muzak version of 7 Nation Army on an elevator in NYC about 5 years ago….it made me tear up for several different conflicting reasons. 🤓
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If you’re meeting someone for a first date & not feeling “magic” ladies guess what….you should insist on paying half the bill.
It’s called being honest & having personal integrity, I would never stuck you with the whole bill & then say “Oh, sorry. I didn’t feel “magic”. 🙄
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I like to pee my neighbors names in the snow; it’s about respect & just saying “Happy Holidays” to me….oh wait, I’m starting to think they may not see it that way…😜
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This poppEd up in my memories on FB & made me think of @RainPryor.
facebook.com/reel/7981988989…
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I like to be optimistic; I truly do believe that they will find & recover that submersible intact….once they remove the bodies & disinfect they’ll be back in the black in no time.
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No matter how bad it gets I always remember what my Great Uncle Tito used to say, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.”…..
He burned out his retinas looking at an eclipse…
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Going to see this shorty, I’ve been looking forward to seeing it.
I hope the 3D is better than when I saw Avatar: The Way of Water…
#TheWhale #AvatarTheWayOfWater
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