Years ago, I dated a guy who loved filthy talk during sex. Whenever he was close, he’d say, Tell me something unhinged, babe. A dangerous request to make of a woman whose brain has never once been supervised. These are the lines that have stuck with me, Color me white with your cum crayon! Cum in my pussy so I can drag myself across the floor like a snail and leave a trail behind me! Fuck me so hard you could crack an egg in my ass and it’d come out scrambled! Somehow, they worked. Then afterward he’d just lie there, staring at the ceiling like he needed to report me to a wildlife biologist. “Did you…did you say snail? Like you wanna make a snail trail with my cum??”