Emma Watson

It's only 9:30am and already I need attention. I'm thinking maybe I'll set myself on fire. Or better yet, set somebody else on fire

I went to souplantation for lunch. What I'm saying is if you want to mug me I probably can't run for a few days

all you need is love, I mean a ladder, a ladder's all you need

I lint brushed the crap out of this outfit and I'm still covered in cat hair! It's like the universe wants everyone to know I will die alone

How to deal with the nest of techno blasting teenagers who settle in as soon as the parents leave next door. Books? Kids hate books right?

I'm eating at a place so fancy I had to google 4 items on the menu. After 4 I realized its best to be surprised, rich people are weird

In preparation for fathers day my mother facebooked me to ask if I knew my dad is having surgery on Tuesday. I do now mom, I do now

Why does hanging out with happy families make me feel like I'm coming down off an E bender? #flyingtooclosetothesun

Just saw an amazing play on a very cold theater tonight and boy are my nipples tired!

There is a fly in m house. Well at my afternoon just got more interesting

I prefer "Not-the-Father's Day." More dancing.

Is it weird to send a fathers day card to a guy who's baby you might be having?

Alright let's vote, should I sell my organs or join the oldest profession and just sell my whole damn body over and over and over?

I'm on the toilet. I don't have to potty but I spilled soup in my lap and I'm trying to get a leg up on the drying process.

Imagine if everyone who claimed to love Jesus tried to live like him? We may run out of sandals but we would never be short on love

My dispensary sent out their low ounce specials email today with no mention of fathers day at all. Point is I forgot to get him a gift

Just played the readers digest name that candy game and I was way too good at it not go pro

Told my buddy Russell that I have to pick up a goat tomorrow and he said "how high". It's like hanging with my dad without the free dinner

I am getting up early to pick up a goat from a guy who has already called me back twice to chat. He thinks my name is Lady