"It’s a bad bitch party. Everyone is getting a bottle of Don Julio and we’re going to act a foolio."
“I want to be the kind of fast & loose woman who blows on a man’s fancy diamond ring while he’s throwing dice at a casino”
"If I'm walking around nude and my weiner can see you out the window, that means you can definitely see my weiner."
"You can tell he's a psychopath - I bet he comes right out of a pool and puts his wet hand into the ketchup chip bag"
"I can’t have kids until I’ve manually deleted over 10k naked selfies from the cloud ... which should take what like, three years?"