Daisy

Hell is knowing what you want, but not having it at the moment. So, if your life feels like Hell right now — at least you have a vision of something better. The dog will come back in the room, your food will be delivered soon, and being single doesn't mean you're fucking doomed.

If you're flavorful, rejection is fucking inevitable. A strong personality is an acquired taste; just because one person thinks your flavor is shit doesn't mean another won't think you're fucking delicious.

Be your own best friend. Laugh at your own jokes. Hype yourself up in the mirror. Make plans to go out with other people then cancel to spend time alone. Cut yourself off when you've clearly had too many (or buy another shot—depends which kind of best friend you're trying to be).

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to fuck me.

Women like men who make plans, commit to those plans, and still have a few surprises left in them. This is why your girlfriend is obsessed with serial killers.

Fuck math, you don't need a "better half." You graduated, right? So why are you still practicing fractions? Complete yourself: Be a whole number and become your own source of satisfaction.