CannibusLecter

people are like "it doesn't cost anything to be nice" but i did the math and it's like $300 each time.

if i were an immensely powerful evil fantasy world sorcerer i would probably bind my power and life force to a ring or amulet or something so some faggotly little hairy footed midget could toss it in a volcano and destroy me.

what happened to all the thots. i distinctly remember there being more thots.

i should reemerge and retweet myself.

sometimes you really do leave your bitch lesbian wife and start dating sexy hot models and yet remain a miserable son of a bitch. idk.

stay in a loveless sexless marriage with a neurotic lesbian or leave her for a young hot brilliant loving actress/model/dancer who likes sex. this one is killing me, there has to be another choice.

the New York Times wants permission to interview 5 of my co-workers before it lets me sign in.

getting rid of her.

me and my family of 8 went for a nice dinner. when the check came the bill was $1300, mostly for schnapps. i left $0.07 and masturbated over by the hostess stand but our server seemed unhappy. am i in the wrong here? i did the best i could.

i’m not homophobic but these recurring thoughts of having a hairy biker daddy pound my ass while getting my face jizzed on by 12 of his daddy friends while 12 more watch has me vaguely uncomfortable.

you can’t get a boner every time you see a train anymore without some asshole calling you autistic

in breaking news the Trump administration has just deported the bird from “Free Bird”. Trump spokes person Kyra Floom in a prepared statement noted that “you cannot change the bird but you can send it to a prison in El Salvador.”

sorry for the lack of tweets, i've been sticking my genitals into the unhardened cement in newly paved highways and it became a whole thing for a few months.

the S&P soared to new heights, buoyed by investors' optimism over what happens after the Apocalypse.

shocked that JD Vance has not successfully brokered a peace deal with the Iranians. Shocked. Truly shocked. Really really shocked. So shocked. Severely. Wow.

i am holding a news conference on the rescued airman.

having sex with all the old billionaires not in the Epstein files to reward them.

she’s a 10 but reviewing her TikTok’s, insta and tweets shows she’s severely mentally retarded