Jonathan Decker, LMFT

Those of us who stayed late last night at Lagoon Amusement Park couldn't resist playing dress up for a Wild West photo shoot! I've always loved doing these. Have you ever?

"Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place." - Captain Raymond Holt , BROOKLYN NINE-NINE. On Sundays I'm going to give you all a peek into my life as a Latter-day Saint. It's a faith I was born into, but it's a faith I continue to choose even as I deconstruct and reconstruct over and over what that means. My motive for doing this is simple: the people and beliefs I love do not resemble, in my eyes, the fanatical caricatures often presented in pop culture or by our critics. That said, I know that the same community and culture that have brought me great meaning and joy have also been the source of great pain, judgment, rejection, and trauma for others. I'm 45 years old. I was raised in the faith, baptized at 8, attended seminary throughout high school, served a mission, attended BYU, and married in the temple. I've also been through a divorce, blending families, the loss of a parent, and more. As a therapist in Utah I've worked with people who have found peace in leaving the religion and others who have found peace in staying. I've supported people as they make choices for their well-being and happiness both in and out of the church. I've had a 45-year front row seat to the evolution of the religion, as well as the things that stay the same. I know the institutional and human failings and corruption as well as the genuine decency, sincere service, and humble devotion. I've seen leaders do harm. I've seen leaders save lives. I've seen a lot. I've seen people judge those who leave. I've seen people judge those who stay. I've also seen people make room for others' choices without criticism and with open arms. I've seen us work to make more room at the table for women and people of color. I've seen us wrestle with balancing our doctrines of traditional family values with the call to embrace the humanity of the LGBTQ community and their relationships. I've been told I'm demonic. I've been checked for horns. I've been told that I worship the wrong Jesus, that my underwear is magic, and that I'm going to hell. Super fun. If you'll let me, I will show you who we are, what it's meant to me, and how we can grow.

Lagoon closes for the season this weekend, so our family spent one final day at Utah's surprisingly awesome amusement park, squeezing every drop out of our season passes.

How much better the world, and our lives, would be if we kept this simple counsel. What does this mean to you?

#throwbackthursday: I've been reflecting lately on what great friends I had in high school. We may have been a bunch of preppy white boys, but we were good-hearted. People you can have a lot of fun with while sidestepping any serious trouble are a blessing. They helped me heal a good amount of childhood bullying that occurred before. They helped me start to find myself. Love ya, fellas.

The therapy clinic I'm with, Mended Light, is releasing its first FREE online video game tomorrow! I love 80's and 90's classic games. This is a lot like that. GRATITUDE QUEST is a 30-day adventure where you search for a waystone with a new daily teaching, notice something to be grateful for in your life, and follow through on a small connection task to build your real-life relationships. What you play in the virtual world helps you in the real world! Also, the gameplay is very fun and the avatars are adorable. GRATITUDE QUEST launches tomorrow! Join the waitlist now, though: mended-light.vercel.app/ I'll see you in this delightful new world!

This gorgeous 4K steelbook is the perfect gift for the cinefile in your life, especially with all the tangible extras in the Walmart exclusive version! I have fond memories of watching Gone with the wind. with my mom on VHS as a child. I can't wait to see it pop in this 4K restoration. Thank you to @WBHomeEnt for sending this to me! #Gifted The new Collector's Edition features a limited-edition SteelBook and a collection of special extras, including: - Limited-edition SteelBook featuring the film in 4K Ultra HD, plus a digital copy. - Two-sided international mini poster featuring vintage theatrical artwork. - 12-page collectible booklet highlighting the film's release timeline. - Five reproductions of original theatrical lobby cards, complete with a display frame. - Reproduction of a 1939 movie ticket. - Collectible bookmark featuring artwork from the film's 1970 re-release. Get yours now here: walmart.com/ip/Gone-With-The…

Having witnessed this firsthand growing up, I wholeheartedly agree. My dad adored my mom and vice versa. It was a wonderful environment in which to grow up. This quote applies in marriage, but can also apply after marriage. My former spouse and I have real familial love and respect for each other, which provides safety and peace for our children. Now, in my second marriage, I love that all of our kids can see how we care for each other. Thoughts on this quote?

"How THE TWO TOWERS Can Help us Cope with Isolation." King Theoden of Rohan shows us how to hold on to our integrity even when it seems like those around us are abandoning theirs. Watch this early Cinema Therapy episode here: youtube.com/watch?v=lF_wibtE… How does Theoden inspire you?

"4 Tips to Having a Healthy Relationship." I've been a family therapist for almost 20 years. These four tips are essential. Watch this classic Mended Light Healing video on YouTube: youtube.com/watch?v=uoQQsMLK… Which of the four speaks most to you?

"20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA (1954) Still Holds Up." If your family enjoys the PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movies, you'll want to share the classic Disney flick 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA with them. Check out my segment for The KJZZ Movie Show (2013-2016) on YouTube: youtube.com/watch?v=g_CiU1m1… Have you seen this movie? What did you think?

Sometimes we show love simply by slowing down and giving the other person the benefit of the doubt

"Radical Acceptance & Dealing with Hardship in THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING" In this very first episode of Cinema Therapy, launched during the pandemic of 2020, I break down how to focus your time and energy on where you can actually make a difference. Let go of and accept the rest. Watch it here! youtube.com/watch?v=N2qqfafR… Have you seen this episode? What does Frodo's journey mean to you?

"Is Healing Even Possible? Betrayal Trauma Recovery with Mended Light" Can your relationship bounce back from cheating? If you want it to, here's 5 evidence-based necessities. Watch it here! youtube.com/watch?v=2FD_SEy2… Have you seen couples recover from an affair? How did they do it?

SEVEN BEST OO7 MOVIES. James Bond will return! He always does, but while you wait here's some of the finest examples of his license to thrill. (note: this video was made pre-SKYFALL and NO TIME TO DIE, which both would have made the cut). Watch my bit for The KJZZ Movie Show (2013-2016) now: youtube.com/watch?v=5ufnuBDu… Who is your favorite James Bond actor? What is your favorite James Bond film?

I've always loved this quote. Romance matters. Daily consideration and self-discipline matter even more.

Note: on Sundays I'm sharing my old LDS Living articles. They are written for a Latter-day Saint audience, but have advice and principles all may find helpful. Q: In your article “How can I Manage my Anger?” you mentioned self-care as a key for controlling aggression. Can you please give an example of how to practice self-care without feeling guilty about it? A: Thank you so much for asking this question! I’m glad that you did because it’s a struggle for many Latter-day Saints. We try to follow the Savior’s admonition to love and serve one another so much that we sometimes forget that, in the commandment to “love thy neighbor as thyself,” there is an overlooked commandment to love ourselves! We need to look no further than the Savior’s life to see that self-care is a righteous, Christlike principle. As I explored in a previous article, after creating the world for our benefit and to obey His Father’s command, “He rested” (Genesis 2:2). Though Jesus spent day after day teaching, ministering, and healing, He also deliberately escaped the crowds to recharge (see Matthew 5:1; Matthew 8:18; Matthew 14:22, Matthew 15:39). When the disciples labored against the storm, Jesus slept below deck and allowed them to do the work themselves until He was absolutely needed (see Mark 4:38). When the demands of the people were not aligned with the work that He had been sent to do, “He departed again into a mountain Himself alone” (John 6:15). Christ was selfless. He was giving. He was kind. But He also took care of Himself so He could continue to be selfless, giving, and kind. We would do well to follow His example. So what does that look like? It means different things for different people, but I would start by repeating what I’ve heard said: If you don’t have time to pray and study the scriptures, you’re busier than God ever meant you to be. Taking time to find your spiritual center, to connect with Heavenly Father, and to receive guidance from the Spirit is the most important self-care that any of us can do. From there, it’s really a “choose-your-own-adventure.” The most important thing, in my opinion, is that whatever you do helps you to recharge so that you can give your best in building the kingdom, caring for your family and your neighbor, and performing your labors. Brigham Young taught: "The Lord never commanded me to dance, yet I have danced: you all know it, for my life is before the world. Yet while the Lord has never commanded me to do it, he has permitted it. I do not know that he ever commanded the boys to go and play at ball, yet he permits it. I am not aware that he ever commanded us to build a theater, but he has permitted it, and I can give the reason why. Recreation and diversion are as necessary to our well-being as the more serious pursuits of life" (Discourses of Brigham Young, 238). Do you like to read? Read. Do you like to go to the theater, see plays, watch movies, play sports, go hiking, visit with friends, or develop a talent? Do it with the Spirit. Do it in moderation and balance with everything else you have going on. But how do you make time for it without feeling guilty? By recognizing that if you don’t make time for enjoyment, fun, laughter, meditation, reflection, exercise, or connection, you will burn out and will be of no use to anybody, including the Lord. I’m a therapist. My job places a heavy emotional, mental, and spiritual toll on me. So I run. I lift weights. I play with my kids. I watch movies. I read for the enjoyment of it. This helps me to be prepared to face my work with optimism and serve my clients with renewed energy. I’ve found that it’s easier to take time for yourself when you support those in your circle in doing the same. For example, when I insist that my wife find time for relaxation or to pursue her passionate interests, she comes back refreshed and supportive of me in doing the same. Self-care. It’s a true and righteous principle. God bless you. I hope this helps.

Karlie and I both grew up in Arizona. I still cheer for Arizona State... just not when they're playing my alma mater. Sorry. Let's go, Cougs! #byufootball🏈