Fing Duck

I tried to call off today and she's like is it because of Quiddich Champions and I'm like no I'm sick and she's like does Andy pandy puddin pie wanna pway wiff magic bwooms and I'm like I feel much better I'm coming in plus I'm going to kill you.

The best pussies always come with a face like that.

I've already had my Ragnarok

For a shower gift reforge the sword.

Everybody goes through that stage of relationships differently.

Only a Sith deals in absolutes. I will do what I must. I will try.

I just took a huge fucking shit it felt like my goddamn throat and stomach came out holy shit I think I can park a car up my ass now there's so much room I wonder if my colon lining came out.

My powers didn't come from an infinity stone they came from wearing false identities too long ordinary characteristics fought against governors and grew to something else it's not even a mutation so I don't trip any sensors no magic no psi no mutant I'm all natural.

Someone ran over the safety first sign in the parking lot.

I promise karate teach you promise karate fuck up.

The new theory at work is I'm autistic on the whore board I'm Autism Wow and I'm like really fucking seriously antisocial unless you have tits isn't autism.

That girl that has tourettes and says heil Hitler every 20 seconds I wanna fuck her

I want equal rights too I want to be in paper towel commercials.

Back in the 90's did you do the mail order Rusocrucians or Neo-Tech? I did both.

I wish Facebook had a Jesus Christ Who Cares button.

I opened up the Folders Classic Roast and it said "You're so ugly when you were born the Dr slapped your mother."

Wanna come over and cuddle and I mean really cuddle this time not like last time where I tricked you and stuck it in.