Despite the fact that my Twitter feed often consists of taking shots at the appalling state of the world, I am not a morose or despairing person. I’m a joyous cynic and a gladsome naysayer.

The habit of inviting the entire world to chime in on your every personal interaction to judge “who was right or wrong” is a destructive and nasty one that no civilized person should cultivate.

I rule nothing out entirely, especially if you include “has EVER existed.” 😄 History is long, and we know much much less about the dim past than we think we know.

I think there is a huge difference between the “MY birthday is a BIG DEAL” types, and the ones who just like to throw massive parties and their birthday is as good an excuse as any. Whole different vibe. 😄

I have told all the young people in my family that, when looking for a mate, the list of positives you desire is important, as is the list of dealbreakers. You know what’s just as important? And that few do? The list of flaws that, while they may not be pleasant, you could pretty much tolerate those with some grace. None of us are going to marry perfection, and EVERY partner will have flaws. No, I do not mean “other ppl view that as a flaw but it doesn’t bug me.” I mean real genuine things that WILL bug you. And yes, all men/women should work on those in a marriage. But it is wise to know yourself well enough to know what flaws would make you crazy miserable to the point of threatening the marriage, and which flaws you might bitch and moan and sigh about, but could pretty much suck up *even if that never changed*. And if you think you are going to have a long marriage without encountering “Ima just have to suck it up” you are living in fantasy land. Make your list of tolerable flaws. The stuff you maybe wouldn’t love, but with which you could probably deal without massive effort. It’s a great exercise in self-knowledge if nothing else. If you find yourself unable to name “things I’d not like at all, but up with which I could put” then you need to climb down off your high horse before you’re ready for marriage.

Still the best film adaptation of Henry V ever made. Brilliant work.

We decided years ago to simply stop making sides with some meals. The big one was ribs. Because everyone pigged out on the ribs and never ate a bit of the sides. So we just accepted that reality, chose not to pretend, and rib night is aaallll ribs now.

I have tons of sympathy for ppl who’ve been victimized. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and manage that fear and pain. But understand that your template is not the template for the vast majority of families, and should not be the cautionary frame into which they must all be stuffed. Trauma is not the norm, and excessively guarding against it is not the *primary* function of families, and only serves to twist otherwise healthy families and instill unwarranted fear into children who were not, actually, at risk at all in that family. It is GOOD for children to trust their family in a manner that they do not extend to strangers. Can that trust be violated? Yes. And it’s horrible when it happens. But raising children to NOT trust their own family, while it might avoid that particular circumstance, does not make them healthy and strong. It cripples them in other ways.

Gender role task norms are neither some ironclad law to be enforced, nor some “inequality” to be chafed against. All they are is the distillation of what works and has worked best for *most* men/women over time. They are shortcuts to avoid having to negotiate EVERY little thing from scratch, then begrudgingly wind up at the old way anyway, except with everyone a bit mad and stressed. 😆