The EMP£ROR 🟦⬛️🟨🇰🇪

Kenyans are exceptionally peculiar people. And I say this with love, concern, and several years of accumulated frustration. A Kenyan will happily pay Netflix, Spotify, ChatGPT, and seventeen other foreign companies every month. Some of these subscriptions they haven't used since February. Money leaves their accounts quietly, and life goes on. Now build a similar product in Kenya and ask for a subscription of KSh 500. "Ati subscription? Every month? Kwani unaniona aje?" You explain the value, the features, the infrastructure costs, the fact that software engineers also eat food. "Wacha nijaribu kwanza for free." You give them three months free. Three months later, they want another three months because they were busy during the first three. Then comes the payment conversation. "Me, I don't trust Kenyan companies with my card details." Fair enough. Security is important. But this is the same person whose card is saved on 14 websites abroad, including one that sells AI-generated pictures of cats dressed as Roman emperors. "Sasa kama sio M-Pesa, staki." Fine. M-Pesa it is. Fortunately, Safaricom has a recurring payment solution called Ratiba. Unfortunately, implementing it as a practical subscription model can feel like a punishment for having entrepreneurial ambitions. The costs and complications can make you question whether you should have opened a hardware shop instead. But suppose you survive all that. You integrate everything. The customer can now subscribe using M-Pesa. Then you mention automatic deductions. "ATI UNATAKA KUKATA PESA YANGU AUTOMATICALLY?" My brother in Christ, what exactly did you think a subscription was? A monthly invitation to negotiate? "No, just remind me and I'll pay." So now your SaaS company needs a debt collection department to follow up on KSh 500 subscriptions. Meanwhile, Netflix deducts KSh 1,000 at 3:47 a.m. and this same Kenyan wakes up to watch a documentary about penguins without questioning the transaction. And then we gather at conferences, drink expensive coffee, and spend three hours discussing why Kenya isn't producing enough globally competitive technology companies. We want Kenyan innovation, Kenyan products, Kenyan founders and Kenyan success stories. We just don't want to pay Kenyan companies. Especially monthly. Hapo ndio shida iko.