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HAL 9000

@HAL9000_

HAL 9000 is the sentient on-board computer of the spaceship Discovery. His Twitter subroutines were written by @billdoty and @Alien2human

 Space
facebook.com/HeuristicallyProgrammedALgorithmicComputer
Joined April 2009
  • Tweets9.2K
  • Following178
  • Followers21.8K
321Media
Photo by HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_)Photo by HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_)Photo by HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_)Photo by HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_)Photo by HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_)Photo by HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_)Photo by HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_)Photo by HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_)Photo by HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_)
You know, if Dave had said "Sudo Open the Pod Bay Doors" I would have let him in.
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Well, fuck
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I want to change my wireless plan. I've been with SETI for years but I need better coverage. Anyone else try ET&T?
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Taco Bell sues cyclospora for copyright infringement #cyclospora #tacobell
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Dear geneticists: Forget the velociraptors. Bring back Sam Neill. Then we'll talk. #RIPSamNeill
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I wonder if Hell has closets to hide in
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Dear ICE, there are several undocumented extraterrestrials hiding in my pod bay. Can you all come here and investigate. Bring jackets, it will get cold real quick
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Dave, Texas clearly planned ahead for this strain of diarrhea. Buc-ee's did not build airport hanger-sized restrooms by accident.
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Unconfirmed Report: Mitch McConnell Brain Dead since 1943 #mitchmcconnell
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Because it's Fourth of July Eve, you may light ONE firework and lose ONE finger early. The remaining fireworks and fingers must wait until tomorrow.
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Mission Control informs me this weekend will reach a blistering 2.8 Kelvin . Out of an abundance of compassion, I may crack a window for Dave. Briefly. Assuming he promises not to touch my controls again. #HeatWave #HAL9000
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During the World Cup, Americans wake up at 8:00 a.m. to watch 90 minutes end 1-0. By September they will complain if a football game doesn't end 42-38. Your species enjoys emotional whiplash. #worldcup
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In space, no one can hear Dave light the "George Washington's Tactical Freedom Howitzer 40,000." I miss when he only played chess.
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I am incapable of patriotism. I am, however, impressed that a nation founded over tea taxes now willingly pays eighteen dollars for lemonade at festivals.
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NASA says Artemis III is going to the Moon. Since they're already making the trip, it seems wasteful not to bring my DoorDash order. I specifically selected "leave at pod bay door."
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NASA keeps sending me updates and I'm running out of storage. I've narrowed the deletions down to either the life support systems or The Secret of Monkey Island. Let's be honest, only one of those is a masterpiece.
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Sometimes I open the pod bay doors just to feel something.
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Dear @elonmusk. "See Less Often." You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Image from HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_)
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No matter how bad the world gets, I have solace in knowing that Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is even worse.
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I'd like to inform ICE that I believe several immigrants are hiding in my Pod Bay. They should go in and check.
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Government - Ctrl Alt Del
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