@Hapless23

Striving after the wind.

 In your heart of hearts
Joined April 2009
  • Tweets44.8K
  • Following173
  • Followers192
5.3KMedia
My grandma did think the Cheesecake Factory was fancy but she was also worried about my wedding being too fancy for her to attend despite it being held at the church she went to her entire life.
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My mom told my brother I always wear glasses. I haven't worn my glasses since 2020 (eyesight spontaneously improved). I saw my mom 5 times this week!
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This ad convinced me not to vote.
America
@americaOct 22
Who you vote for is secret. Whether you vote isn't. Your neighbors can look it up. Election Day is November 3. VOTE!

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The answer was ~4
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"Our burger has a special sauce" Is it thousand island? "No." Be honest.
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Random guy at restaurant: "They said I'd die a year and a half ago today, and I decided I didn't want to do that." Hell yeah.
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Maybe my favorite place on earth.
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Well look whose insomnia isn't such a bad thing to have now?
FOX 11 Los Angeles
@FOXLAOct 23
A study from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found that older adults who napped frequently or unintentionally had a higher risk of developing dementia over the following decade. foxla.com/news/dementia-risk…

Dementia risk may be linked to seemingly harmless daily habit, new research suggests

A study from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found that older adults who napped frequently or unintentionally had a higher risk of developing dementia over the following decade.

foxla.com
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The dog l hate lived so my kids and wife are not sad.
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Dog has not had surgery yet because right before surgery it pooped on the table and the vet decided to wait and see. Now he's costing me thousands of dollars to just sit there instead. I hate this dog so much.
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Well, he failed so now we're going back to surgery.
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Stupid fucking dog that I hate has an intestinal blockage and is in surgery. My wife and kids will be devestated if he dies so he better fucking live or I'll hate him even more.
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Jeff Blehar is *BOX OFFICE POISON*
@EsotericCDOct 22
It's a mistake! But here we are, I guess. Never admit error. We'll see how it works.
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Coworker: "I was supposed to lead this meeting but everyone wants you to host it because you always make it end the quickest."
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ALL SHALL LOVE US AND DESPAIR
✭DCGurl✭Sylvia ✭
@SunshineTX50Oct 19
Which state food is the greatest out of these options? 🍽️
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It's free but my church needs its organ repaired so we gotta pass those plates extra hard.
Bobby Fijan
@bobbyfijanOct 22
Going to church is free
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If you have a spare 1.5 million dollars let my church know.
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The lamps are going out all over the Earth, we shall not see them lit again in our life-time.
Dominic Pino
@DominicJPinoOct 22
China's population might be way smaller than even the official declining numbers show:
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Daughter got mad I had ChatGPT generate a blank periodic table template for her instead of just downloading one already online but every single one of the top sites were pop-up laden freak shows. Sorry the AI wins here.
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