Julian Keller

Man, I'm sick of these flatscans.

So are all of you guys just bots now or what?

Why the fuck am I getting suggested tweets from bigots like Marjorie Taylor Greene? She’s worse than Senator Kelly.

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

Slides this over to @bornincaldecott and mumbles, “Er, Happy Mother’s Day, I didn’t forget. Okay, bye.”

Damn. #MyTwitterAnniversary

Guess what mutha fuckas!! I got my hands back!

It’s too goddamn hot!!

Well enjoy the heat. Laura and I are going on a Disney cruise because we're bougie like that.

Bruh. Why is LA hot as balls right now? Like more so than usual? Damn global warming. Flatscans mess up everything.

It’s my Twitterversary

Well life sure has gotten interesting lately.

Damn it, Laura, can’t you tell your sister to keep that badger in a cage or something? It took a crap in my shoe again!

Sometimes I’m surprised I’m still alive.

It’s so hot. Can’t Storm create a blizzard or something?

Yeah, I’m still alive.

But anyway, new year, new me? Sike! I'll probably lose another limb or organ sometime this year. It's kind of my thing.

I've been on here 9 years? Damn! Wait... How am I still 17?#MyTwitterAnniversary

This is the last shitty movie they're making about us, right? I can't even say us, more like the old people in the X-Men. Like, dudes, move on. We got way cooler stories to tell than Miss Grey going all death Phoenix. And they don't even tell the story right!