Homer J. Simpsons

I love April Fool’s Day - I get to pretend Bart being my son is just someone pranking me.

I have not failed! I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. (•??)

This year the holidays ended at 2 AM.

"Atheists are the only ones I am letting in heaven. All religion is, is a test to see if you are that fucking gullible and naive." - God

Don’t tell Marge I’m on Twitter. She thinks she’s the only one who gets to know my innermost and stupidmost thoughts.

Dear Houston Texans, your name helped Bart pass a geography test. He’d have aced it if Seattle was in a state named "Seahawk."

How To Stop The Tears - epphany.com/site/post/567?m=…

Interesting Pictures of Celebrities When They Were Kids - epphany.com/site/post/331?m=…

Weird Funny Inventions - epphany.com/site/post/11?m=1

How to Get Amazing Glowing Skin - epphany.com/site/post/182?m=…

At church, I prayed for Thanksgiving to come back. When I got home I found some turkey skin under the trash can liner. Thank you, God!

I went with Marge to see “The Hurt Locker”, because she told me it was called “The Meat Locker”.

Will trade 10 year old boy for cold beer.

Eating. What the hell business is it of yours?

I hope a pro football team goes 16 and 0 this year. Especially if it’s one of the teams that have already lost a bunch of games.

Does anyone have an incredibly thoughtful and personal gift they could lend to a man who forgot to buy his wife a Christmas present?

October is National Pork Month but I ate it all September – sorta like a tailgate party before the big game.

April comes in like a lamb & goes out like a lion. Same thing cats can do when Prof. Frink gets his animal changing machine working.

I root for my alma mater, Springfield U. We’ve never had wealthy alumni cause recruiting violations, because we *have* no wealthy alumni.

Moe’s special fall beer comes out today. He calls it that ‘cause if you drink some, you “autumn” get to a hospital, fast.