Simon Holledge

In a shocking attack on free speech, a man walked out of a London cinema, calling the latest Ali G movie “a load of rubbish”. A woman who was wearing an IDF t-shirt nearby burst into tears and no one rushed to console her. This meant she had to call the police herself. The suspect escaped the cinema in a getaway vehicle, but counter-terrorism police arrested him at his home. The prime minister says it was part of an Iran-linked terror plot, but bizarrely the man has been released on bail. When confronted by reporters in his street, he looked confused. He explained: “I used to think Ali G was funny when I was 18 and stupid, but I hadn’t paid attention to him for 20 years. I decided to give the movie a go because I liked the idea of going into an empty cinema, but it wasn’t worth it. It was just a sad old man wearing blackface and perving over women young enough to be his granddaughter. It was embarrassing.” I apologise for quoting his hate speech word for word, but it’s important the public understands how bad the problem has got. What is the world coming to when a Zionist can’t wear blackface or fantasise about Sydney Sweeney? I tried to find fans of the movie for comment, but unfortunately there doesn’t appear to be any. Despite a massive PR push, only 14 people went to see Ali G worldwide, so it was moved to streaming services where no one bothered to stream it. What makes this particularly upsetting is that Cohen has worked his whole life for this. He was heavily involved in the Labour Zionist youth movement and spent time living on kibbutzes, which he credits with honing his comedy skills. This explains why he is to comedy what Gal Gadot is to acting. Cohen’s movie Borat was a massive hit in Israel, partly because the language the character speaks is actually Hebrew and it’s filled with inside jokes that only Zionists understand. Those jokes are hilarious, but they aren’t meant for the goyim. Think about about the last time you hit translate on Hebrew Twitter post before they removed the translate button. It’s that level of comedy. People accuse Cohen of being Mossad just because he played a legendary Mossad agent in The Spy and an Israeli security expert in Who Is America? Obviously, this accusation is ridiculous and can only be driven by antisemitism. To prove the point, Cohen joined forces with the Anti-Defamation League—the organisation whose leader brags about cyberstalking critics of Israel. Cohen has called social media platforms “the greatest propaganda machines in history”. He blames an online boycott for Ali G bombing harder than the IDF in Gaza. Cohen explained that “pro-Palestine activists” and "Hamas-affiliated operatives” are the reason no one went to see his movie. Just know that if you’re one of those people, you face up to 14 years in prison under the Terrorism Act. Andy Burnham is so concerned about the boycott that he’s just held an emergency COBRA meeting. Everyone who attended the meeting wore blackface in solidarity with Israel, apart from Shabana Mahmoud who wore a Borat moustache instead. You will be pleased to know the Ali G movie will now be shown in all schools as part of a deradicalisation program. If the little shits don’t improve their behaviour fast, we might even make them watch Borat.

The Nobel Committee has been condemned by genocide supporters, after awarding the Nobel Peace Prize to South African jurist Navi Pillay. As a result of this outrage, war between Israel and Norway looks imminent. Pillay was guilty of a blood libel when she told the truth about Israel in a September 2025 UN Report. The report concluded that Israel had committed four of the five acts of genocide against Palestinians. Not once did it mention that the land was promised to Jews 3,000 years ago. It was more focused on “genocidal intent” and specifically named Herzog, Netanyahu, and Gallant. Pillay used their own words, that they said on camera, to the world, over and over again, as evidence against them. I can’t believe she swallowed Hamas propaganda like that. She said inaction by the international community amounts to complicity, but thankfully, she didn’t mention Starmer arming Israel. Pillay urges sanctions and an arms embargo against Israel, meaning she supports BDS against the world’s only Jewish state… that happens to be committing genocide. She describes the occupation as the “root of the problem” and compares Israeli policy to apartheid. I don’t think anyone should be overlooking Pillay’s obvious bias here. She has a history of anti-apartheid racism and was the first non-white woman to become a High Court judge in South Africa. Her legal career involved defending anti-white extremists, such as Nelson Mandela who served 27 years in prison. Mandela was the guy who thought black people deserved “equal rights” in South Africa. He believed in a “one-state solution” that denied the colonisers self-determination. Let’s not forget that he was on the US terror watch list until 2008, so defending him is just as bad as defending Hamas. Pillay not only thinks she’s an expert on apartheid, but also on genocide—just because she served on the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda. She’s the one who established that rape and sexual violence count as acts of genocide. What was this if not a pre-emptive attack on IDF soldiers? Despite her extreme views, she has served as a judge at the International Criminal Court and as the UN High Commissioner for Human Rights. She has long focused on accountability for war crimes, crimes against humanity, genocide, and sexual violence, even when Israel is the perpetrator. Clearly, Israel has every right to defend itself from this woman—and from the Nobel Committee. Thankfully, Israel has identified terror tunnels under the Nobel Institute and is planning to drop 2,000lb dumb bombs on Oslo. It’s also planning to take out Pillay’s neighbourhood because its AI system calculated that a casualty rate of 300-1 would be acceptable to stop this woman.

Help, I need an urgent smear to use against Zack Polanski! Best suggestion goes on tomorrow's front pages x