Josh retweeted
"I really wish I could squeeze that piano over and over" - guy who invented the accordion
Josh retweeted
I wish I loved anything as much as white people love saying "Gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
Josh retweeted
Got a family member that just won’t listen? Simply pay me to photoshop the Fox News logo onto anything you want them to believe! Works every time!
Josh retweeted
Boomers: The government will use the Covid vaccine to track us!
Also Boomers: I won a free trip they just need my social security number and bank information
Josh retweeted
hey guys dming me: please know that I’m just like any other girl in your life and won’t fuck you
Josh retweeted
What we really need is wider and shorter plates of nachos. No more tall towers of chips and toppings.
Spread the toppings across a larger area and cover all the chips, not just the top layer.
Stand with me.
We should be digitally sharing our experiences more, in a desperate attempt for survival to remain useful to our future algorithmic controllers?
Josh retweeted
Me: Take me to the hospital, I just cut off my index finger!
Her: wow, you’re a complete idiot
Me: haha don't you mean... incomplete idiot? *partially severed finger guns*
Me: What kind of music do you like?
Anyone: [typing]
Me: And before you answer with "everything," please be prepared to give me a real answer
Wow so just becuz I star all ur tweets and fave every single picture now u think we're dating well cool I already told my mom all about us and she wants to know if you like Matchbox Twenty
















