Off-Cycle IB Intern, SIE

Don’t forget, private markets stayed flat today

Me when my Analyst responds “Tentative” to a CIM review meeting

Happy National Text Your Ex Day to those who celebrate

HR finally reached out and told me to stop reporting their messages as phishing 😭

Going to keep giving our new analysts more and more work until they learn to stop thanking me for giving them work

Starting to feel like to could be a fiddlesticks type of night

I think I’m in love

Unwritten rule amongst our firm is that if you take a day off to golf, you’re diced if you shoot above 90

New first-year analyst just keeps a tub of creatine in his desk

If I had $1 for every question an analyst could’ve asked Google (or ai) before asking me I would’ve have to be in banking anymore

New first year analyst just hit me with a “thx” his second week on the desk

Overstaffed af rn #whatsnew

“That fifth tequila shot hit me like a dickhead” - @LBOJackHorseman

Analyst just sent an email to the entire team that he’ll be OOO on July 4th and 5th

This barista does not need to give a 5 min explanation to every person in front of me, like let me order a black coffee and move on

Atlanta airport is really the only Amex lounge where you’ll see dudes order henny on the rocks with a straight face

If you ever externally call me on teams you’re immediately getting blocked. Call my cell like a normal human being

Tell me the average age in here is 19 without telling me the average age in here is 19

No I don’t want to meet for a coffee chat at 7am. As a matter of fact I’m going to blacklist you from our internship program for proposing such a ridiculous time

“Our client is located east of the Mississippi” ok Lewis and Clark let’s simmer down a bit now