Innocent Dad

My dad used to tell me that the ice cream truck would only play music when it was out of ice cream.

Never make a decision when you're angry and never make a promise when you're happy.

Sleep is for people with no internet connection

It's funny how people tell me when I'm loud to be quiet. But when I'm quiet, people ask me what's wrong.

hey girls check out my mast tweet.....

Things a Girl Should Never Send a Guy via Text - epphany.com/site/post/92?m=1

Tips For A Flat Stomach - epphany.com/site/post/156?m=…

Changing a whole text because you didn’t know how to spell one word.

No microwave, bad microwave... I want the FOOD heated, NOT just the plate.

Just because i don't care doesn't mean i don't understand

Don't make a girl fall for you if you have no intention of catching her. It hurts.

That one person ruins your whole entire day.

When God asks what you've done with your life, try not to say "Didn't you read my tweets?

Dear Tomorrow, Don't be boring, be fun, be great to me.

How does this teacher manage to call on me to answer every question that i DONT know!? .

If you're Talking behind my back that just means my life is obviously more interesting than yours

I'm not rejecting you, I'm protecting me

That awkward moment when you're left alone with someone you just met..

When you stretch, and your inner porn star moan accidentally comes out.

Avoiding eye contact with your teacher hoping you dont get called.