I stg if i see one more spider mite in my garden it’s on sight, no more squirter bottle, im pulling out the draco

God made cocaine, man made vape carts—who do you trust??

Just returned to my opulent home after yet another long and successful day of owning libs with nefarious schemes and clever ruses… about to open a bottle of burgundy and cartoonishly laugh aloud to myself while wearing a silk kimono and watching the sun set from my balcony

In a sane country it would be illegal for women to touch the thermostat

The classic children’s book If You Give A Mouse A Cookie is fascist propaganda. Let mice into your house and give them all your food you privileged white bigots!!!!!

Miami beach is SINKING and the oceans are RISING six inches per day bc of CLIMATE CHANGE do NOT move here unless you’re a MAGAT who owns a pair of WATER WINGS so you can FLOAT all day and drink COORS LITE or whatever

Realized while driving an hour home from a plant nursery that i’ve just been using plants and wine to scratch my collector’s itch lately which i normally do w watches but im at pateks now and ive been unemployed for like 3 years so i cant rationalize spending $200k every 3 months