Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger) header
Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger) profile picture

Jillian Karger

@JillianKarger

Muppet rights activist. Author of a plethora of novels—especially if you count the unfinished ones. Enjoys the word "plethora".

 avi by Linda Karger
amazon.com/Jillian-Karger/e/B07B894DNW
Joined February 2012
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Photo by Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger)Photo by Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger)Photo by Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger)Photo by Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger)Photo by Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger)Photo by Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger)Photo by Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger)Photo by Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger)Photo by Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger)Photo by Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger)
spider-man: weird your rug looks just like a giant piece of paper me: [sneaking up behind him with enormous cup] that 𝑖𝑠 weird
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what if superman felt the same way about kryptonite as dogs do about chocolate, and people always had to shoo him away from it like, "no, no kryptonite for you, bad superman"
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DARTH VADER: I am your father LUKE: Buy me some jeans then DV: *reluctantly hands over money* ...You better actually buy jeans with this
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jude: for fuck's sake WHAT
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Jillian Karger retweeted
Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) profile picture
Mara Wilson@MaraWilson23 Aug 2017
"Oh my god I LOVE this song" -Me, listening to a Favorite Songs playlist I made
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Jillian Karger retweeted
𝔭𝔭 (@athleisure_monk) profile picture
𝔭𝔭@athleisure_monk3 Jun 2016
scully: victim died of multiple stab wounds mulder: *throws her a file* ever heard of the knife alien
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ME: i put so much pressure on myself to succeed FRIEND: you're eating ice cream in bed ME: *snoring*
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GOD: people are pissing me off, I'm gonna kill most of them with a flood NOAH: ok GOD: and you know how food that's good for you tastes good and food that's bad for you tastes bad? I'm switching that NOAH: aw c'mon man don't be a dick
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DATE: did you really expect it to be four hours of wolves dancing? ME: *arms crossed* don't talk to me
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Jillian Karger retweeted
m@thew (@TweetPotato314) profile picture
m@thew@TweetPotato31415 Apr 2018
Of all the dinosaurs, the Oedipus Rex was the baddest mother fucker.
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My dad looks PISSED that I dropped this acid
Image from Swim Jeans 👖 (@ShortSleeveSuit)
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Jillian Karger retweeted
the hype (@TheHyyyype) profile picture
the hype@TheHyyyype5 Jun 2018
[being interrogated for my involvement in a bank heist] COP 1: give us a name ME: big bird COP 2: a real name ME: millard fillmore COP 1: no you idiot, someone you know ME: nana
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inventor of the hot dog: [watching a hot dog eating contest] oh no. no that’s way too many
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DOCTOR: I’m afraid you have bone cancer ME: so you might say I’m “bad to the bone” DOCTOR: it’s terminal ME: duh nuh nuh nuh nuh DOCTOR: ME: DOCTOR: ba ba ba ba baaaad
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REPORTER: Today a 25-year old dog is playing dead for the first time. It goes to show that old dogs really can learn... Oh goddamn it.
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Yaaay my novella The Specific Ocean is complete! It's about 7 college friends who reunite in NYC after 10 years when they learn their beloved writing professor has died. Check it out ⬇️⬇️⬇️ wattpad.com/story/385075577-…

The Specific Ocean

In 2017, seven college friends receive letters they wrote to themselves ten years ago in a writing class. They decide t...

wattpad.com
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Jillian Karger retweeted
huntigula (@huntigula) profile picture
huntigula@huntigula28 Jan 2018
I didn’t open this dojo to teach kids discipline and respect, I opened this dojo so parents would pay me money to fight their children
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Image from Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker)
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Jillian Karger retweeted
Mowgli (@Holy_Mowgli) profile picture
Mowgli@Holy_Mowgli14 Nov 2017
O: put your seatbelt on, honey o: i will, mom O: you ready? ø: yes
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Hi guys! If you're looking for something to read during your holiday break, my books are FREE in the Kindle store from now until 12/29 😁 Viable is dystopian⬇️ amzn.to/2R6XwBh Vita and the Monsters of Moorhouse is a whimsical dark fantasy⬇️ amzn.to/2UTVO7A
Viable (The Renaissance Experiment Book 1)

Viable (The Renaissance Experiment Book 1)

The Renaissance Experiment was supposed to unlock human potential so that civilization could be rebuilt after the Epidemic. Instead it amplified a person's existing inclinations. It divided everyone...

amazon.com
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don’t you just love when you remember some shitty online review you read 5 years ago that just so totally missed the point and now your fists are clenched and you’re shaking from all the adrenaline like did we even watch the same muppet family christmas
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