Dog Mom, Biomedical Mechanical Engineer, Sarcastic Rando
KY ➡️ SoCal
Joined June 2009
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Sure if u read my tweets I look like kind of an asshole,but if u read my REPLIES...I look like a complete asshole.
Framing really is everything.
If I told you a married woman spent hours in bed w/another man who had his hands all over her-
Was she cheating, or having her appendix removed?
This is the fundamental problem with @FoxNews, bc they truly do not give a DAMN what they imply 😂🐽😂
You think you’re “the biggest animal lover”?
My 60yo neighbor hunted black widows at night w/a flashlight so their dog wouldn’t get bit or dosed w/pesticides.
*Excerpt from actual work email*
“Sorry it took so long for a reply, things have been a little wild. I’ll explain more at the meeting, but it involves sewage, circuitry, & bees”
I don’t know how I expected jaguars to sound when they roared, but it was definitely not like this
m.youtube.com/watch?v=SS53en…
Why do “love potions” always result in romantic love? Imagine slipping a familial love potion into the eggnog at xmas!
Brendon Urie made every other episode of #DrunkHistory look stone cold sober
m.youtube.com/watch?v=zjmXSJ…
“To seduce my wife bc she didn’t speak English”
The #1 best reason for learning a foreign language. #GOAT
Sometimes the melancholy hits you, but then you spot a giant dog in a sweater and things aren’t so bad