Day 3 of 3. Litigant in person ended his submissions yesterday by saying, “BOOM.” I have grown fond of him. It’s been two days of “do you feel me” and “that’s not how it went down.” I may just drop the mic at the end of my judgment. #FridayFeeling

I enjoy it when counsel says, “I make no criticism but it is a shame that this document was not in the bundle.” Instructing solicitor 👇

No fault what? This must have passed me by. #nofaultdivorce

It’s very simple. On the 3rd Tuesday in the month and every other Thursday and Friday thereafter attend in person,unless it’s a leap year- then deduct one day. Capiche? #FamilyLaw

Dear Sirs We acknowledge receipt of your letter sent by facsimile after hours on 28 January; the hard copy was received today. We have forwarded the same to our client for instructions and shall revert to you in due course.

Congratulations to all the shiny new recorders. I look forward to considering your appeals.

You bank statement clearly shows that you paid a huge sum of money for a yacht not disclosed by you within these proceedings. Exhibit BS-4 is a picture of you on the yacht named “catch me if you can.” You’ve been caught. Witness: let’s see what Sue Gray says.

Lady Serious looked sheepish so I checked her browsing history. #TheLawyerHot100

Tips for aspiring barristers. These daily steps got me here: 1. 4:30 AM wakeup 2. Yoga 2. Ice bath 3. Gratitude journal 4. Meditation 5. Daddy is Head of Chambers

I know you’re busy but please send me the draft.. ⬜⬜🟨🟨⬜ ⬜🟨🟨⬜🟩 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 ORDER!!!!

Well done to all who will be taking silk. An exquisite name caught my eye from @CrownOfficeCh Miss Claire Toogood QC - no one stands a chance! #qc

What an appointment. Good luck to any blaggers out there!

If there’s one thing Mostyn J detests more than cats it’s a child abduction case in his money list. familylawweek.co.uk/site.asp…

Good luck to all those at the #familylawawards tonight @JPFamilyLaw You are all winners but if you don’t win, smile. 😊

That special moment as a judge when you realise that your nemesis at the bar is appearing before you.

Silk and 3 years on the bench

Five items you should never leave in court: 1. doodles of the Judge 2. I-pad charger 3. Highlighters 4. Polos 5. Marlboro menthols

You are 40 minutes into your CVP hearing. Your dog is “scooting”across the carpet, shortly to come into view. You have 15 seconds to prevent this. If you fail you are eliminated. #LegalSquidGames

Counsel to witness, “It’s as plain as a pikestaff…” Witness, “It can’t be that plain mate given that I don’t have a scooby as to what the fuck a pikestaff actually is.” 🤷‍♂️ #bestthingsheardincourt

27 missed calls and voice messages screaming “whatsuuuuuuuppppp.” Who is responsible for loading Sir Andrew with jaeger bombs?! #jerseyinternationalfamilylawconference

Congratulations to all those exceptional, tenacious, formidable, concise lawyers who go the extra mile, have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the law and a good manner. You have the ear of the court. #Legal500