Chelsea Kunz (Karen Disapproves)

My husband just setup our Amazon account so he gets alerts every time there is a purchase. And let me just tell you, it is the most uncool fuggin thing since moms being able to listen in on ur conversation on a landline phone.

Anyone else miss when tables were 6 feet apart? The stuff my girlfriends and I talk about at dinner should NOT be overheard by the family next to us celebrating nana’s birthday🎈

Whenever someone says “guess what”, do you also involuntarily respond “chicken butt” or have you evolved passed 7 years old?

My toddler shoved a slimy piece of candy in my mouth today and I ate it… and I actually quite enjoyed it... wtf has become of me?

Pro Tip: Celebrate Valentine’s Day a week later. Brenda hasn’t called dibs on your sitter, you can actually get a reservation, and chocolate is on sale 🤷‍♀️

I spend a lot of time on Zillow for someone who has no plans to buy a house in the near future.

2YO: I pet your eyes? ME: You pet my wha—- ah fekkk 🤬gawd damn %&@&🥴🤬🥴🤬 2YO: ME: 2YO: Want pet eyes again?

I figured out the best way to get your husband to get off the toilet quicker is by letting him hear you using his power tools outside the door.

Alexa has this cool feature where if your kids have Baby Shark blasting at migraine level and you yell at it to turn the volume down, it automatically ignores you and turns it up even higher.

I figured out the best way to get your husband to get off the toilet quicker is by letting him hear you using his power tools outside the door.

LADIES BEWARE OF THIS SCAM GOING AROUND: I ordered some expensive tools for my husband but Christmas decor showed up instead… 😞 Be careful out there! This has happened twice this week.

Husband has taken over with the kids while I hide in my room. Currently they are in that questionable phase of murder-screaming where I’m not sure if it’s out of having fun or misery but imma have to trust in Lord Jesus coz I’m not coming out.

Was playing with my daughter’s hair when she lovingly took my hand and used it to smear the snot from under her nose.

I was walking out the bathroom and naturally turned the light off… It was a public bathroom… with multiple stalls. Just a little insight into who is the “dad” of the family.

Normal Parents: Goodnight, Sweetie. I love you. ME: Oooo! I gotta poop! I gotta POOOOP! I’ll be right back! *and then I never come back*

I just said “Good heavens 7-11” instead of my typical slew of profanities under my breath when my daughter refused to let me unbuckle her car seat… that’s how I know my transition into role model parent is finally working.

U ever stand up too fast that u get lightheaded but ur in public and don’t wanna appear “pass-y out-y” so u just act like ur doing an awkward stretch and then u realize “Holy shit. I’d rather silently die than make things weird. ” Have u ever?

Note to self, u cannot wake up to sounds of the baby stirring at 3AM, scroll Fb “real quick”, watch a click bait video of wild animal attacks, then expect to fall back to sleep with ease.

I get that Alexa is be spying on us but this conversation might be where I draw the line. ME: OK, just be patient for 2 seconds! 5YO: Alexa, set timer for 2 seconds.

I know it’s not possible to conveniently switch your brain off but I just listened to my son explain a video game level for 17 minutes and I swear I came close.

I wish that some day I can have as many “don’t give a fuks” as my 4 yo who climbs in MY bed and tells ME that I’M taking up too much space.