Elizabeth Holmes presents herself with the wide-eyed sincerity of a woman who learned what sincerity was earlier that morning and is now determined to demonstrate that she's mastered it.

Get old. Look good. Date young.

There’s a certain female phenotype where the woman has a nose that makes her look like she has a permanent cold. It’s not necessarily the hottest look, but there’s something undeniably charming and adorable about it.

Young men like older women because they’re pathetic and easy. Romanticizing these relationships is how women avoid confronting that reality.

GM BROS 🛸🛸🛸

When a parent dies, you take a long, hard look at their life and realize how much of it amounted to nothing. Privilege is never having to experience that.

When my girlfriend accuses me of making fun of her

Who wants 2,000 words on You Can See Everything?

We all shall fall

GM BROS 🦅🦅🦅

The New York Post will run a headline like “LAWSUIT WITH A TWIST” about poisoned pretzels and when you click on the article you find out six kids died

Legit makes me want to go to the Outback

One of my earliest memories of my mother is lying in bed with her before going to sleep and accidentally saying something that hurt her feelings. Without missing a beat, she intentionally said something to hurt mine. I couldn’t have been more than three years old. This is the genesis of trust issues.