Callum Laing

An investment banker, private equity investor, venture capitalist and operator all walk into a NYC bar The owner brings out drinks for each of them The investment banker takes a sip and tells the bartender that he can get the owner 14x EBITDA for the place. The owner says he is not interested. The banker then slides him a business card and says to call him when he is ready The private equity investor tells the owner he already has financing lined up to buy the bar. He can cut in the owner for a 20% earn out, but will probably fire half the staff. He points to the vodka bottle prices and notes a lot of room here for “margin expansion” The venture capitalist, meanwhile, asks the owner if he has thought of incorporating AI into the drink pouring process. He advises the owner to think from first principles and claims he can write him a check at a $2B valuation. The only condition? The owner must convince A16Z or Sequoia to invest first. The operator is the only person who figures out how the bar functions, where kegs are stored and how the employees are paid At the end of the night, the bill arrives and the operator is forced to pick up the tab since he is the only one who remained sober. He asks his friends to pay him back The banker offers to handle the payments in exchange for a fee The private equity guy asks him if he can leave the money as owed debt, and he will pay with interest over time The venture capitalist tells him to mark up the value of the tab but says he can’t pay it for at least another five years. The next morning, the operator wakes up to 3 LinkedIn posts from each of his friends on what it takes to run a successful bar in NYC