Lord William Daft

Back on terra firma. Time for a trip to The Club tomorrow with the old soak Canon Coch who is on day release from the Corrective Institute of Curmudgeonly Pedants.

I say. Sorry about the telegraph silence, but after a few scrapes I thought it better to keep a low profile. Blast those cads at ‘tweeter’, who have forced my hand by threatening to close this broadcast down, so I thought I better pipe up.

Why doesn’t @canoncoch travel first class on the steam train? Is it because the diocese no longer trust him with the collection plate? nitter.gq/neilcoxon/status/10162…

Looks like @SirThumperDung is on the soup again. He is persistently sending me long garbled phonograph recordings of him mumbling and passing wind.

Oh do be quiet with your bleating @sirthumperdung. I'm sure Count Pessina couldn't give a damn if you take your laudanum orders elsewhere.

Good day. It's been a while but I must introduce you to Sir Benjamin Lagertin williamdaft.co.uk/2014/06/si…

I see @Fitzberque has ensnared a maiden. "Is that an Enfield in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?"

I always knew that being touched by the Earl was good for one's health. telegraph.co.uk/health/healt…

A politically charged evening has ended with the revolutionary and the naturist missing their locomotive

.... I require an ale forthwith

Even @SirThumperDung is recoiling in horror. He reports that @boogaloojim is devouring peasant food on the locomotive.

I fear for this evening. Telegrams from @boogaloojim are both grammatically and factually incorrect. The fool has clearly been on the soup

A tad shocked to be propositioned by @SirThumperDung in a latrine on the Gt Western Rd. I thought he had controlled his urges.

The servants are working hard to prepare our feast. Motivated by the sixpence I dropped into their rough, working palms this morn.

Waiting for @SirThumperDung. His tardiness will no doubt be due to him fawning over some naturist or ranting at a hapless clerk.

I have servants to berate, yet @neilcoxon see it fit to drag me away from one of the few pleasures in life and tempt me to The Club.

I am in a state of shock for a second time today… @canoncoch did go the bar and buy a mere half pint of ale. Is he afflicted with gout?

I am in a state of shock after being forced to listen to @BenLeighton1's sex tips and his habit of hanging round in hedges.

Hope to say clear of Murhill today as I gather a knock kneed fellow has been sighted in safari shorts

Curious that @BenLeighton1 is hosting a soirée on employment law when his roving hands have forced many a serving wench flee his employment