Luke LoPresto

“Jesus. Paul, look at this receipt—ten dollars for a single potato. This new Value-Mart AI surge pricing is killing me, man. Killing me." “That’s nothing, Bill. Wait ’til the next update: the store will be able to see exactly how much money you have in your bank.” “You’re kidding.” “And your 401k.” “@#$% me sideways.” “That’s why I use URCHN to do my groceries.” “Really? What’s URCHN?” “URCHN is the latest in affordable concierge shopping.” “Oh, you mean like Uber or Instacart. What makes them different?” “Orphans.” “𝑂𝑟𝑝ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑠?” “That’s right, Bill. And not just any orphans. Dirty, starving orphans who live under overpasses.” “Uh.” “As you know, the cameras in the grocery aisle scan your face and adjust the price based on race, socioeconomic status, and dietary restrictions. But you know who always gets the best prices, no matter what?” “…orphans?” “Yep.” “I don’t know, Paul, that seems a little-” “Of course, the AI still discriminates based on race, which is why they send a multi-racial team of no less than four dirty orphans to buy your groceries.” “Um.” “The Latino child buys your wasabi, and the Asian child buys your tortillas.” “Yeah, no, I get it.” “And the black child-” “Sorry, uh, these are children, right? Small children?” “Of course. Teens would raise the price.” “How do they, uh, reach the items on the top shelves?” “They stand on each other’s emaciated little shoulders.” “Jesus.” “Yeah, the Latino orphan tends to be on the bottom.” “What?” “Sturdy stock.” “…and how much do you save?” “My last potato was 34 cents.” “#$&@ it, I’m in.” ---- [r][AI Surge Pricing]