Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook) header
Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook) profile picture

“Deliberately Inflammatory” - my wife. “King of Meats” - @cortync. “One of Twitter’s true innovators” - @lukeurmyson “Shut up Marcus” - @dairymanNZ

West Auckland Heights
Joined November 2011
Photo by Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook)Photo by Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook)Photo by Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook)Photo by Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook)Photo by Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook)Photo by Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook)Photo by Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook)Photo by Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook)Photo by Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook)Photo by Marcus 🦒 (@MarcusDCook)
Marcus 🦒 retweeted
hoo boy
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Nervous of flying? Don’t be. As long as the 2 million parts in a plane work perfectly while travelling at close to the speed of sound as sharp metal blades rotate at supersonic speeds in temperatures of -65 degrees 7 miles above the Earth’s surface, you’ll be absolutely fine.
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Marcus 🦒 retweeted
I mean, I'd have probably spelled CORONATION right, but whatever.
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
The original post from @RoyalFamily spelled "coronation" correctly. This version has been photoshopped. bbc.com/news/uk-645990… twitter.com/RoyalFamily/st…
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Marcus 🦒 retweeted
this dog park bench makes it seem like this woman never saw a dog in her life and she also never smiled
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I owned my first house at the age of 25. At 15, I worked two jobs. At 17, I became vegetarian and grew my own vegetables. I never ate out at restaurants. At 22, I sold my car and bought a bike. I only ever bought second-hand clothes. At 25, my parents gave me a house.
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[porn music]
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Marcus 🦒 retweeted
I’ve decided that this is just too good not to be on here Long story short - I meet guy at a Target, we hang out three (3) times. Guy texts me horrible things. I put said horrible things on Instagram. He got piiisssed. Enter: CESIST AND ASSIST
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If babies genuinely think you’ve abandoned them when you put them down for 3 seconds surely the screaming would be futile … make your story add up, babies
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Marcus 🦒 retweeted
This makes a great point. Mr. Beast didn’t ask, “Would you like to no longer be blind, or would you prefer to remain blind?” We’re left to simply assume that people who decided to undergo surgery that can cure blindness wanted to no longer be blind. How dare he.
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Apparently you can’t complain to the restaurant staff about the loud kids when they are yours.
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It’s OK to eat junk food in the car on road trips because calories don’t count at highway speed. I don’t have time to explain the science behind this, but it’s sound.
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BOLD casting choice tbh
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His wife is talking to him on the driveway and pointing at the spot. If you’re gonna take a shot at the champ you better not miss.
A rival dad told me one of my tires looked low in front of some other dads so I pressure washed a small but visible corner of his driveway to show him what it could look like.
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Marcus 🦒 retweeted
Dads love knowing what roads you took to get somewhere and then telling you why that route is, in fact, not the fastest
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Marcus 🦒 retweeted
I bet you can’t guess what this is in response to.
This Post is from a suspended account. Learn more
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Marcus 🦒 retweeted
Stop commenting "Who?" under posts or stories about famous people you haven't heard of. Being ignorant of something isn't the flex you think it is you tiresome dullard.
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Almost 30 years later, and I’m still processing how Dave Coulier made Alanis Morissette lose her goddamn mind.
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Marcus 🦒 retweeted
Non-Aucklanders don't be smug and condescending less than 24 hours after a deadly disaster challenge (impossible)
This quoted post is unavailable.
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